My Eyes Decieve Me

I see from the inside out
Though no one else believes me
I just can't help but wonder
Do my eyes deceive me?

They see an object of desire
A nice piece of flesh
Opportunists are all they are
And get turned down as all the rest
But who can blame them
That is all they understand
It's like reading a book
With only the cover in your hand

I can find the pages
Like the insides of her soul
And find out the story
Of why she has become so cold
What she thought was sincere
Was only their lust for her
Treating her like a prize
Causing angry emotions to stir
But her heavenly body
Makes her seem so easy
I just have to wonder
Do my eyes deceive me?

Violent and angry
Are words that they use
To describe who he is
As they study how he moves
He walks with a limp
They think he sells crack
Because he wanders the streets
And never fails to watch his back

But I see behind the thug
And look past the gangster
If only you could have my sight
You would see a complete stranger
When he shows his iron covering
You cower in yellow
Little do you know, that inside
He is like a marshmallow
But when I show no fear
They think my courage is risky
I still can't help but wonder
Do my eyes deceive me?

Is it that I'm blind?
Blind to the world that surrounds me?
What makes me so special?
Why see what no one else sees?
Or is it that you are blind?
That your eyes are shut
While you wander through the world
Relying purely on luck
I use my eyes
You use your hands
Mines have options
Against what yours demand

You may think me telling you this
Is not my only mission
I assure you though
This is only a proposition
Choose to stay where you are
In your sightless flight
Or you can come with me
And see in a new light
Pick either way
It won't matter to me
Although it would be nice
To have a little company

I see from the inside out
Though no one else believes me
But now I know the truth
My eyes do not deceive me

The rhyming was nice and the topic is good. I gave you the punctuation article on your other poem, again, I suggest looking at that, and using it as much as possible

But I see behind the thug
And look past the gangster
If only you could have my sight
You would see a complete stranger

the last line here seems to long. You should try to keep about the same syllables in the verses. No need to create rhythm, this poem is good without it, but that last line is just...too long.

Is it that I'm blind?
Blind to the world that surrounds me?
What makes me so special?
Why see what no one else sees?
Or is it that you are blind?

Too many questions! Try to...fix it so there aren't so many ? marks.

I use my eyes
You use your hands
Mines have options
Against what yours demand

I was confused by this, starting at "mines" maybe there is a typo here.... I'm confused with what it means.

I loved the repetition of "Do my eyes deceive me?" and the last stanza was beautiful.

The second to last verse... it reads weird. I'm not sure why. Something about the rhythm.


Nice job!

3-Damentional wrote:
Is it that I'm blind?
Blind to the world that surrounds me?
What makes me so special?
Why see what no one else sees?
Or is it that you are blind?

Maybe it would help if you punctuated the questions differently.

"Is it that I'm blind,
Blind to the world that surrounds me?
What makes me so special,
Why see what no one else sees?
Or is it that you are blind?"

Think that would help?

I loved it though. I tend to like darker poetry. And I love the title and the repititions of "Do my eyes decieve me?" I'm terrible with titles.

"A nice piece of flesh"
Somehow that line didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem. I might change the word flesh, though it's completely up to you. It does lend meaning to that part, it adds to the whole concept of only seeing things from outside. If you want to leave it that would be fine too.

This was AMAZING.... I'm completely breathless.... Wow, so moving. The emotions and the passion is just so..... real.... I'm actually wondering right now if my eyes are deciving me, this work is too perfect. I on't point out your errors because the others already have done that. See you around.

-Max

It truly was amazing. The topic was great itself and the way you wrote it painted a beautiful picture. It was easy to see what you were saying and the rhyming made it have a nice flow to it. It was a sorta a long poem i guess but it was so interesting it went by quickly. It left me sorta curious to if my eyes are deceiving me. It was very good and i won't bother pointing out the few errors because the others already did so. I liked the ending allot. I can't wait to read some of your other stuff.

Nice poem. I really liked it. You really need to work on it though, but overall it was great.

~SIC

Maybe it would help if you punctuated the questions differently.

"Is it that I'm blind,
Blind to the world that surrounds me?
What makes me so special,
Why see what no one else sees?
Or is it that you are blind?"

Think that would help?

I loved it though. I tend to like darker poetry. And I love the title and the repititions of "Do my eyes decieve me?" I'm terrible with titles.

"A nice piece of flesh"
Somehow that line didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem. I might change the word flesh, though it's completely up to you. It does lend meaning to that part, it adds to the whole concept of only seeing things from outside. If you want to leave it that would be fine too.

I really like this poem but you do need to sort out punctuation. But this is a brillant poem I love poems like this. I hope to read more of your poems . Hope yu enjoy writing on this site.

It's our old gangsta friend!

I'm happy to say that this poem was definately for me. It's got a great fitting title, supberb structure and rythmn, and the rhyming scheme keeps us on our toes. Nice.

My only problem is it's a bit long. I think you could have said what you needed to say in a lot less stansas. That's the only thing.

Do my eyes decieve me? No- it's a great poem!

Sorry for bad joke,

Best wishes,

Eimear