Kiss me *freewrite*

I have not written in a very long time. Figured this would be as good a way as any.

"Mm," the soft sounds you make while I kiss your neck make me happy. Normally you're so reserved; only I can make you moan those little sounds of pleasure. Kissing a mans neck had never been a desperate aspiration of mine, this was before I saw your neck. Smooth skin pulled over an Adams apple made me lust. I had waited for the moment when I could take you, and now it had arrived.
"More?" I ask the question already knowing the answer your body is giving me.
"Mm, more, don't stop" Gently I kiss the soft skin where your collar bones meet. The gentle dip is filled with my tongue as I lick the moisture from my kisses back into my mouth. Slowly I work my way up your neck.
The moan you release as my lips part over your Adams apple gives me the reassurance that I'm doing all right. You probably wouldn't believe that your the first boy I've kissed. You are though, and I wouldn't mind if you were the last.
Stopping only to say "Tell me you want it." I resume where I left off. Your Adams apple slips through my lips, sliding in as easily as a melting Popsicle.
You bring your neck towards me as you whisper "I want it." I know you do, hence the reason I try to suck the blood flowing through your veins to the surface. If only it could travel through your pores, and into my mouth where I would let it slid over my tongue. It can't though and I want to taste your blood.
Still busy with the small bump protruding from your neck I mumble into skin "Open your mouth." It came out more as a comand then a request. Sorry about that.
As soon as my lips melted into yours you slid your essence into my mouth. Pushing my tongue to one side you explored the hidden area underneth. What you were looking for, I wish I knew. I would give anything to you at this moment.

This is good. It is a little short. And...I think you should not make it so personal. Name your characters. And...if you do make it about yourself, at least name the guy. ANd a little more detail about the story. This is good, but it doesn't give a plot! Tell us where your headed or where you've been. Continue with this! It is marvelous! Writergirl

The reason I didn't give much detail, is becuase I want it to seem as if this little bit could be anyones story. Notice it doesn't even say if it's two guys or a guy and girl. Does it sound too personal? How could I make it less...cause I have a a bad habit of doing that.

Concert, the only reason why I said it was too personal is that you use "I". I enjoy reading these type of writings, sometimes. I was just thinking that you should at least give names, and descriptions. I see where your comming from, and in fact, it thrilled me! (the story.) But, I still think you should make it longer, add names, and some description. This will just make the short synopsis you have an amazing story. That was my thoughts. But your the writer. Writergirl

Wow. great detail. I loved every bit of it. I however liked how you gave your characters no names and how it was like we were in the mind of the woman most of the time. And the little bits of dialouge were a great thing to have as well making it seem a little more real and less, all description, great job on this, I would however also like to see it longer.

I think you need a spell-checker. Microsoft Word really helps! And I don't mean it to be mean. I'm just trying to help.

Interesting. I like Vampires. Well, the kissing was quite alright. I have a lot of ideas how to make these kind of stories sound sensual and arousing, but it would be too much for anyone to handle. lol. Good work.

I liked this, and like Rieda i like that you didnt know anything about the characters, it would be anyone. Is this part of something longer?

Meevs
x

This was... different, lol. Good, but different. Just a few tips.

You should be very careful of how much action and description you put in one sentence. Some of your sentences look like they're run-ons, or borderline.

Keep writing!

I like it. But lkike the one above it seems like it has the possiblity to be considered run-on sentences. Just dividing them up would make them better.

I agree with what your saying about "making it more about that this could be anyone" I try to do that with my stories in first person. It's very personal though, like, what your feeling when the narrator (I hesitate to use reader because I'd never do that) is thuinking every second.

Lol, he got a hickey. Sorry, just had to say that!!

This is good, really good.

It puts you in the characters mind a lot better and it's exiciting because you haven't given any information about the people (apart from the fact that they are clearly making out )

The biggest problem I found was that its a little short. You start at a random place in a scene of a random story and finish it a random place, not at all really finishing.

Your writing is amazing, keep it up.