The Gift of Love

The cross is a symbol of God above,
And when He gave His blood out of love.
A towering structure that reaches the sky,
A wonderful blessing; a hidden disguise.
An answer to a secret prayer,
A pleading no one knew was there.
The cross is a symbol of God above
And the amazing gift He gives of Love.

Being religious, I liked the message behind it. It's a nice poem, but now I'm going to pick it a part

The cross is a symbol of [s]the[/s] God above,
And When He gave His blood out of love.
A towering structure that reaches [s]to[/s] the sky,
A wonderful blessing; a hidden disguise.
An answer to a secret prayer,
A pleading no one knew was there.
The cross is a symbol of [s]the Lord[/s][if you changed this to "God" it would have better rhythm] above
And the amazing gift he gives of Love.

All the little adds here should make it read better.....I hope this helped.

Thanks, Claud. I really liked this poem and thought I would see what others thought. I'm glad that you critiqued it! That really helps. I made the changes you suggested. If you have anymore, please tell me. Writergirl

I really like this, too. It's a simple, sweet message of that Miracle.

My only comment is that the second line doesn't seem to flow with the rhythm as much. I keep trying to make it fit, but it's one syllable too wordy to really fit... Yet I can't think of a way to change it and keep the meaning. It works, it just feels sort of like a "bump" in the otherwise smooth poem, you know?

Of course, the more I read it to myself, the more it seems to be okay... *laughs* I don't know. It's really up to you (as always), so I'll let you decide if it should be changed or not.

Other than that, very cool! Normally I'm not a huge fan of rhyming poems, or overly-sweet religious poems, but this... This has hope and tenderness and the truth of His love, so it's cool.

It doesn't particularly carry an original message, but I'm sure you'll move onto that when you get more confident with your poetry.

I don't like the line "a wonderful blessing; a hidden disguise". It's so indescriptive. Blessings generally tend to be wonderful, and disguises are always hidden, so the adjectives become superfluous, and so, as a line, it becomes pointless. I would try and rewrite it to something stronger, to something that says more than simple statement, one which is hard to connect to the poem. What's a disguise? I didn't really understand that bit.

Otherwise, you've show you can keep a fairly good rhythm, and rhyme it along the way, and it's quite impressive.

I think know you need to work on your poetical expression, and developing your subject matter so it is more interesting and thought-provoking to the reader.