Taneantra Letrans is 14-years-old and soon to be Queen of Remany, in any case, her whole life had been planned out since the beginning of time. Well, all of this is about to change. She soon comes to realize that just getting to the crown is going to be a struggle. Surprisingly on her way to her home country she meets an old childhood friend who in turn tells her that her life is in great danger. His father is Duke of Remany and wants her dead so he can take over Remany and put her people into slavery. He offers to take her to Hengelic, an island, to hide out with him until its safe but with some help of a new friend she feels to be just the opposite. She has two months of the summer to fight for her life, make major mistakes, and then leave to be crowned in a hurry, but will she want to go through with it when betrayal is in her path and she doesn’t know which way to turn?
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This could do with more telling, and less showing. At the moment you're just saying 'this happened, she spoke with this person, then this happened' etc, so that it reads more like an outline or a blurb (as Phorcys said) than an actual story.
Showing and telling is an extremely hard concept to grasp - it took me quite a while before I really understood. However, I find this webpage explains it really well, and is definalty worth a read .
This is a good description of what a story could be about. I think that you if you take this idea and turn it into an actual story, that it will be amazing. Keep up the good work. Sir Writergirl
"It is better to save than to destroy, and that justice is most righteous which is tempered by mercy." Mark Twain
I already wrote the book by the way you guys. I just wanted critique on this blurb before I sent in my enquiry. This book is Fantasy Fiction also so it does belong here, just looking for critique. Thankyou!
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Oh, if this is what you wanna put in your enquiry to an editor/literary agent, may I suggest that you scrap this blurb and rewrite it from start? Don't want to sound over-harsh or anything, but this synopsis really will not catch an editor's attention.
Get your hands on the Writers and Artists Yearbook, or something simmiliar. It'll have advice in there for writing your synopsis and cover letter. In fact, a book like this is pretty much a must if you wanna get published - it has so much info in it.
Hi! It sounds really good can't wait 4 more
U r an awesome writer
(Just write more!!!)
TeeHee! JK
"After it happened I thought that I'd just try to live as normally as possible and bury it, but things like that don't stay buried. I didn't think it would, but it taints your whole life."
"My desires were bestial, obviously." -Jeffery Dahmer.
I think it sounds like it is going to be a great story, I'll look for more on it! I like the way you showed her thoughts too, it sounds like you're gunna do great!
"After it happened I thought that I'd just try to live as normally as possible and bury it, but things like that don't stay buried. I didn't think it would, but it taints your whole life."
"My desires were bestial, obviously." -Jeffery Dahmer.
Oh and by the way Sureal, I DID scrap the whole blurb and I started over with a new onw. I like it better and it fit more with my query so I'm happy. One agent has already replied but I decided I didn't like that certain one so now I'm looking for others that work around Random House Fantasy and things like that. Hope it works. I thank you all for your critigues!
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*
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