The Power of One

Go easy, it's my first time rhyming

An unsettled mind,
and a restless heart.
You are thrown against the wall,
with no way out.
Where do you go,
who do you trust.
Through your will,
you will find what you must.
To escape the meaning,
you need this done.
Find the power of unity,
find the power of one.

hmm, it's okay. The rhyming is a little strange it sounds like a ...... oh what's it called...... Fortune Cookie! Looking at your other poems I noticed some one else said the same thing before, but it's true. Try a different rhyme scheme or free verse.

Sorry to say but i couldnt see a great deal of rhyming unless im completly not getting it at all. It was good though, just keep doing more and you will get better with the rhyming thing!

miyaviloves

Seemed random, dont bother with rhyming either. Non - rhyming is usually more powerful. I reviewed somethign the other minute, it could apply to you:

The rhyming killed it. Like it does in many poems. It is a sick and twisted demon, a black sword that stabs and lurks in newbie poems, preying on musings of a writer and slicing through it verse by verse by verse.

However some writers seize the black sword and tame the demon, they force it to do their bidding. Sadly, these are experianced knights with years of passion boiling at their fingertips.

This story is a critique. Beware of the Black Sword of Rhyme.

Huh...Thats funny. I really liked this and it was fine to me Pie Pie. But remember, just because someone gives you a suggestion doesn't mean you have to take it.


Jearjioe

There's nothing here, nothing concrete to connect to. You need a base, a metaphor if you want to go into the metaphysical, some imagery and description if it's about something tangible... you need something real, though!

An unsettled mind,
and a restless heart.
You are thrown against the wall,
with no way out.
Where do you go,
who do you trust.
Through your will,
you will find what you must.
To escape the meaning,
you need this done.
Find the power of unity,
find the power of one.

1) Mind and heart have been used so many times in literature to mean so many things, they don't really conjure up any images anymore. Maybe something a little less symbolic, unless you want to fully develop the symbolism?
2) Who is you? What clues in the reader to who the characters are? What they are like? When I read the word "you" I hit a blank as to what they look like. I need something to connect with.
3) Question mark after trust.
4)The next bit I have no idea what it's talking about. Through my will (but i don't know who me is) I wil find what I must (which would be...?) To escape the meaning of what? I need what done? What the heck is the power of one, what am I supposed to be unifying, and why/how will I find it?

This reads like it's supposed to apply to my whole life, but if it had more specifics, more details, more character, more quirky words, and more tangible material to build off of it would be a much more powerful poem.

The rhymes are fine - it's substance this one lacks.