Inside This Mind of Mine

I've loved once before
It opened up like a door
But soon it was taken from me
It's locked now, there is no key

So if I tend to push you away
If you think I'm not okay
I'm just swimming in my mind
Trying to understand the signs

When I'm utterly silent as a grave
I just haven't found the words to say
When I'm happy---be glad that I even smiled at all
Because I'm usually glum and rolled up in a ball

I have a weakness but I will tell you not
I haven't been weak lately and I like it a lot
I want to be free and yet closed in
If there was an ocean I wouldn't dare swim

There are too much obstacles to face
Too many memories to embrace
I rather not remember what happened then
Just know I will always be a friend

So in this little world I created
All my gloominess is now faded
There's no emotion, no sadness
No stormy oceans raging with madness

It's too late for me to read this; tomorrow, I swear, but why don't you get rid of the space in between each line? It'll go easier on the eyes, and create stanzas better.

I swear, I'll read it tomorrow. I'm about to fall over.

As Claudette gets some rest, I have a few concerns:

It just doesn't seem to flow quite right. In the first stanza alone, you have a few different line lengths, and when I tried to read it out loud, I stumbled trying to find a rhythm.

Also, some of the rhymes sound forced. Sometimes there is no smooth rhyme for a word that will fit into context, I know, but like I've been told many times, "when in doubt, free verse".

Otherwise, I kind of like it. Except for the awkwardness in the rhythms, it was a good read.

Alright! Rested and ready I'm here!

I'd have to say I liked it, one or two things I have to pick about but otherwise I liked it.

Your lines aren't the same length in syllable, which can sometimes help create flow.

There's no emotion, no sadness
No stormy oceans raging with madness

See here? The first like has eight syllables and the second has ten, so this would flow better if written like this:

There's no emotion, no sadness
No oceans ranging with madness

(Although, the comma after emotion does break the flow, but thats a little eh...more than I can really explain. I'm not sure why. Give me a break I'm still learning)

See? Doesn't that sound so much better? Try working it out on your other lines.

Second is punctuation. I keep having to talk about this, so I might just go make a tip about it so I can throw off the link instead. Punctuation guides the reader and shows them where to pause, where to go next. Take use of Commas, periods, semicolons, the whole thing. Don't use them all, mind you, unless you need to, but don't forget them. Poems are sentences too, so we need to have endings, otherwise they are run ons, aren't they?

Your stanzas on there own were good, but from stanza to stanza it lost flow because they jumped to different ideas that don't relate good enough.

I did like how you don't always rhyme perfectly though, that was a good touch that some people can't get down. I also liked how though it was an 'emotional' poem I could actually relate and feel for you/the narrator.

Hope I helped If you have any questions about punctuation, you can PM me.

Overall, I liked this and the rhyme scheme was pretty good. However, these two lines:

When I'm happy---be glad that I even smiled at all
Because I'm usually glum and rolled up in a ball

were like slamming on the brakes. Too many syllables, those random dashes (perhaps a comma would be more appropriate), and forced rhyming. Taking out "even" and "glum and" is one way to remedy this. Play with it a little and see if you find any better ways.

Other than that, good job and keep writing!