This Was Beauty (When Women Wore Curves)

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1144
Reviews 381
the line of the throat—the swell of breast—
concaved at the waist—at the hip, convexed
like the surge of land at horizon’s end—
crescendos and subsides beneath the hand—

this was the spaded blade of leaf
this, the soaring curved firmament
this, the waveworn, salt-embowed cove
this was the domed footprint of rain.

this was the shell of a trembling egg
this, the whisper-soft feather’s edge
this, the curtsy of the fruit-laden branch
this was the disc of the sun.
Bitter Charlie :: Shady Grove, CA :: FreeRice (162,000/1,000,000)




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 32885
Reviews 2058
I liked it.

except the last line! For some reason it seems short and very blunt compared to the rest, so when I get to it its just like, "Oh" so that should be changed.

otherwise, I have NOTHING good to say about the poem. It was pretty? But you know me, I'm learning when it comes to poetry, this is too much description for me to actually understand :-D
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 6371
Reviews 576
Very purdy, Fand.

Muy muy bella.

But, ah...I agree with Clau--change teh last line :P
Got YWS? I do.

Lumi: Don't you drag my donobby into this.
Lumi: He's the sweetest angel this side of hades.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 915
Fand -


It's a one trick pony, and the trick isn't that great. Condesnse the last two strophes to one, drop the boring repetition, and you'll have a poem about bra-bustin' b****es in no time flat.

You've done better.


Best,
Brad
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1106
Reviews 614
I didn't like it either. It seemed to not flow, I didn't get the meaning of it and it was a little repetitive.
Previously known as "Phorcys"
Witherwings Harry Potter RPG



I'm officially making it my goal in life to become a roomba. I want to be little robot. I want knives taped to me. I want to be free.
— TheMulticoloredCyr