The imagination is not a State: it is the Human existence itself.
I’m confused about my entire life. Don’t ask for my advice, I don’t have the answers. I live life in avoidance of reality. I tend to screw people over; most sincerely unintentionally. I'm hypocritical and contradictory in every single way. I worry about every possible, minute detail of my life. I'm too often told I'm too nice. Oh well. I wear a lot of makeup sometimes, and I don't care if you don't like it. There are very few people who appreciate my quirky personality.
I have a hard time holding decent conversations with people, because I find most people to be lacking a high enough level of conversational skill to satisfy my intellectual needs.
Have you ever had the unexplainable urge to just cut yourself open and take a look at your insides? I sometimes have that feeling. I want to open myself up and examine everything about my body that makes my heart beat, my blood race, my soul ache.
[[OR]]
Do you ever get that uncomfortable eerie feeling? Where you know something is going to happen, it's bound to. Where your chest tightens and you're suddenly finding it hard to breathe; hard to communicate. That feeling, that signal that something's wrong; have you ever felt it? Then you chase it away with some sort of advice to yourself, an antidote to forget the percieved sensation. But no matter what you tell yourself, you're still conscious of that little feeling....the itch just below the skin; only a razor can scratch.
.THE WORLD ISN'T WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
I want to be myself. When I find out who that person is; I'll let you know. Until then just be content with the person I am, and don't wait around for the person I am yet to become. You might be waiting forever. If you asked me right now, this very second, who I am, it’s most likely I wouldn’t be able to answer you, because the truth is; I have no clue. Some days I wake up in the morning with this notion in my head, that I’ve got it all figured out; I know exactly who I am and what the world is all about. Then some sudden, completely out of the blue occurrence shatters my entire foundation on which I stand, and my feet fall out from under me and I spiral down and down, back to the real world; a world I will never understand.
The world doesn't seem to want me, neither do you. I'm easily frightened by what lies just beyond my dreaming refuge. I tend to make things seem better than they are. I stretch the truth all too often. Not that I lie, I just make my life seem more appropriate and socially acceptable. I have much knowledge of the real world, but prefer not to speak of it. I'd rather wash it all away. This world is far too scary. Could it be what God intended all along? Or are we just preying on each others insecurities and living on the edge? Just wait till we fall, soon to lose it all. Maybe then we'll realize. Maybe then I'll hold the world a little higher. Maybe then I won't feel so out of place.
I tend to put faith in people too easily. I give people my trust and my complete loyalty, without thinking twice about all prior experiences and reasons why this is really a terrible idea. Then what do you know? Someone I trust always lets me down, always screws me over; and I get reminded again of how I shouldn't trust anyone. Thanks for everything.
Honestly…I’d be lying if I said I was so different from any of you, because in truth I’m probably a lot like you. I don’t try to be, and I don’t care if I am or not. I’m not looking to fit in, and I’m not looking to stand out. I’m just trying to get by in life. I would ask you not to judge me based off my looks, my style, my musical preferences, or the people I hang out with…but what’s the point? You probably already have a preconceived notion in your head about me. So go ahead and judge me.
