depressing

The Spirit Writer

The spirit writer uses his keyboard,
he ruins my life from above.
Right now he is killing me from the inside,
my only hope is the dove.

The dove was my pet,
i let it fly free.
And in return,
it watched over me.

Now the dove's my only hope,
i hope that it comes soon.
If it does then i'll be saved,
if not i'll die under the next full moon.

I hope it comes,
i dont want to die.
If i do,
the world will cry.

A few days, after i died,
my famliy grieved the most.
I'll fill you in on one thing though...,
its not so bad to be a ghost.

The dove, it's still out there,
i hope that it's well.
And because it didn't save me,
i want it to burn in hell.

Pretty good for your first piece. I like the fact you made it ryme. The only problem is it doesn't have a meaning. No point, not even a sense of feeling.

i cant get the feeling of what this is suposed to be but for some funny reson i like it. its got a rhyme sceam(sp) and that can be hard to do. when you write another poem find some thing you can conect with and feel then just let it pour... and you will have some thing great
siphiwe

The subject of this post was "depressing", but it's not making me depressed. The narrator died? Well, make me care. I didn't become attached to this story enough to care.

Please capitalize all of your I's. You can't just...not capitalize them some of the time. This is one of those all or nothing bits.

The first stanza interested me, though, before I started to not care. The spirit writer? Is someone controlling the narrator? Is the writer like some sort of god, grinding the narrator into the dirt? That whole spirit writer thing just died off after the first stanza...keep it going. It's different, and that's good.

The dove, it's still out there,
i hope that it's well.
And because it didn't save me,
i want it to burn in hell.

What? You hope that it's well but want it to burn? Is this just completely not making sense or is it intended to show conflicting feelings? The meter is also slightly off in the last line. Perhaps rephrase that to "I hope it burns in hell."

Colleen

DAN DAN DAN!!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU JOINED?!!!....well anyway i liked your poem. it was good. a little too good for you.....*glares* i'm kidding. keep it up.

oh one more thing.....you should clarify it a little better. i got confused and disoriented near the middle. and what was it you were trying to say?

I don't really get what this is about.

I like it, in a strange way.

But I can't be sure of what you are trying to say in this poem.

*Twitch*
Hm...what do I think about this poem? Oh yeah! It was interasting. I too liked the way it rymed.

I too liked it in a weird/freaky way.

I too liked how it rymed.

I hope you continue writing poems!

-- M.B.Author

I dont get it.
ARe you sick then dead.
I thought it was very hard to follow.
Still enjoyable though

I really loved this, please write more.

I thought it was pretty good cosidering it was your first poem here. (I have yet to make mine.)
But I really don't get the ending lines.
You wish the dove well but you want it to die?
Make up your mind!!!
I also thought you left the ending hanging a bit.

I'd say the whole thing is a so-so piece.
Not bad but not good.

I found this really good because you made each other line rhyme. Which is a good thing in poems like this.
Your right this was sad. But I am used to it. I am into them kind of things.
There was no errors of anything I saw.
Very good. If you have any questions fell free to pm me.

GordonRamsayLuver/ GRL

I really enjoyed this poem! The first two lines were my favorite, and I think they did a good job setting the poem up. I also liked the writer becoming a ghost-it was very interesting. Maybe you can write a short story on this. I think just a little more clarification would give this poem even more potential. Great job!