i liked it. its simple and straight to the point. it has this feeling as you read it you actual feel like all your fears have realy gone and its almost like the sun is rising. i like the flow
siphiwe
aaaaaaagh! its not fair!
you can write so much better than me
nice and short too
good work
nah
!Excellente trabaja!
I may be crazy but I know spanish
hehehehehe
Her craziness...
I've noticed something with a lot of what you write.
It's very vague, and has no concrete form. This is about the sun rising, thats the concrete thing in the poem. But even that is just a metaphor. You seem to write about vague concepts or feelings, and they try hard to attach to physical things but fail at it.
You should try writing a poem about something physical, maybe a person or an event or an object, and see how it works out. Use it as a way to work your poetry skills, force yourself to wrap around something that really exists, and isn't just an emotional thing.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
This was a little too short and vague for me. Maybe you could lengthen it out and add some more solid images? Or, I think if you shortened it a bit it would make a nice haiku.
It would be cool if you put another stanza in that was about darkness so there would be contrast.
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