The Night to remember

The Night to remember is the night in which you find you true love.
The Night ot remember is the night where you feel you can do anything you could possibly dream of doing.
The Night to remember is the night that you think maybe all is lost, you feel no one wants you, no one cares about you.
The Night to remember is the night that you feel all is lost, and yet you find all once again.
The Night to remember is the night where you gain freedom of your thoughts, of your world, of your surroundings.
One might say that the night you gain power is the night to remember, but I say:
The Night to remember is the night in which a poor boy finds his destiny, his meaning.....his love.





If you do not like this piece, please inform me of why. Also comment if you do like it. I sort of just thought it up to get started.

If your turning this into a story then I realy like it. It makes sense that way. If not then okay, keep brainstorming ideas.

This doesn't really do anything for me.

The repetition at the begining of each line is dull to read (especially as it makes up about half of the entire poem).

The repetition of 'all is lost' feels redundant, rather than add anything to the poem.

alright danny here we go


i agree with anthony yeah the last stanza would make a good book
but yeah you may not want this under poetry it hardly rhymes and yes i know poetry doesnt have to rhyme but it just sounds better and well you'll get some better output on it. It also doesnt seem to have a point. Sure its a night to remember but why? and i don't mean because you found this or lost that. It has no little thing where at the end of your poem some old guy says

"And the moral of this story is ___________ boys and girls."

It has no moral try to find one.

*headdesk*

The YWS is not a place for people to post rubbish and say "LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!" and we are all supposed to say "Good job! You can go be an astronaut!"

No. This is for serious writers with serious aspirations toward writing towards getting published. This is nothing of the sort.

Try again, maybe it won't be as bad. Or try prose.

(I'm not trying to be overly mean, and I TRIED to use the PNP method, Mods, Honestly, I did...but I cannot find one thing positive in this peice. Sorry.)

I would have to say that this is not poetry. It doesn't have any poetic elements at all.

It's a nice thought. That's just swell.

But...it's not poetry. This is a bunch of complete sentences with an 'enter' button hit after each one. I have to agree that this is a story...well, a paragraph of a story anyway.

You should try reading some works of great poets [if you need some recommendations, ask any of the mods and we will be happy to oblige] and try imitating their works first before you write much else--it will help give you an idea of what a poetic piece really is.

Good Luck!
aMego

well the idea is good but it does not pull through as a poem. i think it would be a great begining for a story a realy good one actualy so try and use it that way

I dont like this is all.

- It does not flow
-It does not digest well
-It has little imagery in
-There is no soul in this piece
-What arte you trying to say?

SPeeDeMonD130 wrote: The Night ot remember is the night where you feel you can do anything you could possibly dream of doing.

Do you mean:

The Night to remember?

Is there any reason you decided to capitalise the 'N' on 'Night'?

This poem doesn't really flow, but with some editing it could be good.

Good luck!

RR*

Amen brother, can't wait till this happens to me.

From Ian, don't ask me?