Do you?

Is this REALLY stupid? Or is it good?

Do you ever have that feeling that your being watched? Do you?
Do you ever have that feeling that your not alone? Do you?
Do you ever have that feeling that someones hiding in the closet? Do you?
Do you ever have that feeling that a somethings hiding under your bed? Do you?
That's called being paraniod.

I would say this isn't bad, persay. It just isn't poetry. It's really just a whole bunch of questions thrown in a row. There aren't any poetic elements involved here at all.

I'll hop over to your other piece and check that out.
Amego

A lot of people would answer yes to those questions if they weren't thrown out there like a survey. Don't trash it, but do add rhythm and words that, when you bite into them, they dribble down your chin.

Oh, my friend. Incan will eat this alive. ^_~ Though I have to say, in this instance, that I agree with his (potential?) commentary. And I agree with writeme - this truly is not poetry. This really does not seem to have a place in the literature forums at all.

It's an interesting idea, one that with some crafting and heavy revising could be quite good, but as it is it doesn't exactly work.

As Careless said, it would likely improve greatly if you put some sort of rythym and meter to it. The reptition of 'Do you' sets up a standard and pulls the reader on. The end, in comparison, seems bland and out of place, like you're dismissing your own thoughts without so much as a second glance. It doesn't quite fit.

You need to put some work into this, a good deal in truth, but after that I think it will come along nicely. ^_^ It does not work - not as poetry, not as anything really - at this point. Good try, though. Brave of you to post, in any event. It took me until I had a lot more posts than that to dare the lit forums. ^_~

(Critted for the CCF)

I see Your poetic view about it, but it is sort of vague.I like it ;and I guess im paranoid