Finding Wings

Jennafina · 2006-12-02T06:42:32Z

“No, Dear, I’m not a god,” the thing answered. Sensuret stared at it, taking in its glistening wings, and shimmering body. It looked to Sensuret like he imagined a god would, clean and shiny, bathed in light. “What are you then?” he asked it. “Well,” the thing said, after a moment of consideration, “I suppose you would call me a demon.” Sensuret wasn’t sure what to make of that, this didn’t look at all like a demon. Demons were evil, wicked things to be avoided, and this was so beautiful. “What kind of demon?” “A dream demon.” “What’s that?” “I change people’s dreams.” “And am I dreaming?” “No, sorry, boy, I’m afraid not. Although earlier I thought I might be. I’ve never been seen by a human before.” The thing sat down, and the old chair didn’t creak at all, making Sensuret wonder if it were weightless. “Guess it’s just your natural power,” the thing mused, reclining. “Is that your job, Demon? Do you give people power?” “I give some people power, but I didn’t give any to you just now, someone else must have, but I can’t suppose who. I don’t know anybody with the ability to spread that power.” “You mean other demons?” “I don’t suppose it’s any harm in telling you, Dear; you’ll find out on your own soon enough. Yes, there are others, many of us.” “And it’s you who have been giving people powers all over the place?” “All of us, yes.” “Why now,” he asked. “Why not before?” “We’ve always done this, just now there are more of us to go around.” The demon folded its glossy wings over its shoulders, and smoothed them down neatly. “You see, we’re running out of room in our home.” “I’m sorry,” Sensuret said automatically. He folded his hands politely. “No, no, Dear, it’s nothing for you to worry about. It’s just now that most of us don’t have a place to go home to, we’re out here a lot more, and while we’re here anyway, I don’t suppose there’s any harm in sharing our powers to a few humans like you.” “Are you going to find a new place to live?” “Some of us are looking, right now. A lot more are focused on expanding our existing home, although I think it’s not going to work at all.” “And where’s your home?” “Why in the Earth’s core, of course, Dear. Well, that's where we get it from, and then I suppose we pass it on to you, don't we?” Sensuret had only taken in one thing. “My power came from the middle of the Earth?” The demon nodded kindly. Sensuret smiled, and hugged his skinny arms to his chest, feeling proud and connected. “I really must be going, though,” the demon said. Sensuret said, “Already?” “It was very nice talking to you. Maybe you’ll see me again, sometime.” “All right then,” Sensuret said, watching the shimmering demon stand up and unfold its gauzy wings, thin and almost transparent. The demon saw what he was looking at. “I don’t suppose you’d want another power, would you, Dear?” it said, hesitantly. Sensuret gaped at the demon. After a second, he realized his mouth was open and shut it politely. “Really?” he asked the gleaming creature. “You wouldn’t mind?” “No, no, I suppose not. That’s partly why we exist, isn’t it? Now, the only power I can give you is to do with dreams. Do you like dreams, Dear?” “I do,” Sensuret said, concealing his enthusiasm. He loved all sorts of dreaming, especially daydreaming. It was his passion. “Well, then.” The demon reached behind to its back, and caught hold of a wing and pulled. With a musical ripping sound, the wing tore off. It looked plain and limp, like cloth, in the demon’s hand. Sensuret gasped. “What are you doing to yourself?” he said, taking a step forward. “Don’t you worry, Dear. It doesn’t hurt a bit.” “Are you sure that’s okay? They were so beautiful on you.” The demon tore off its other wing and made a motion to Sensuret with an arm. “Turn around now, Dear, if you don’t mind. That’s what they’re made for, anyway. We lost the ability to fly centuries ago.” Sensuret tried to look over his shoulder as the demon touched its warm hands to his back. “Anyway, they’ll grow back eventually. Hold still, now,” it said. “I wouldn’t want to make a mistake, would I?” “Sorry,” Sensuret said. He stared out of the window in front of him, at the dry, barren landscape, distorted by the rising heat. He scuffed the dusty floor with a sandal, tracing an arch. After a minute, the demon muttered, “There, now. I suppose I’m all done.” Sensuret looked behind him. “Do you see them,” the demon asked. “See what?” “Why, I gave you my wings, of course! If you can see demons, you can see their wings, you just have to look for them and you’ll see. Just like you found me, remember, Dear?” Sensuret concentrated, and after a minute, saw the beautiful silky wings, attached to his own back. “They’re wonderful!” Sensuret exclaimed, clapping his hands with delight. “Thank you, Demon!” He turned to hug the glowing entity, but his arms slipped right through it and he fell, off balance, against the wall. The rough stone scratched his palms. The demon apologized. “That’s how it works, though,” it explained. “Thank you again,” Sensuret said. He wished he had something to give to it. “It isn’t a trouble. Now, I really must be going. Good bye!” “Good bye!” Sensuret called, as it stepped lightly out the door and disappeared into the bright sun and heat waves. He fingered the thin material of his wings, feeling the touch on his fingers and in his back. He tried to flap them and spread them wide, but they gave a feeble flop and a twitch. It would take some practice, Sensuret thought. But he would do it. One day, Sensuret vowed, he would fly.

Cassandra

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 161

Sun Dec 24, 2006 5:15 pm

Cassandra says... · Sun Dec 24, 2006 5:15 pm

Sorry if I repeat anything that anyone else has already said...

Sensuret wasn’t sure what to make of that, this didn’t look at all like a demon.

Instead of the comma, maybe use a semi-colon instead?

“I'm a (?) dream demon.”

The thing sat down, and the old rickety chair it [s]had[/s] chose didn’t creak at all,

I really liked the way this was composed mostly of dialouge: I'm not one to like a lot of description, so this was a very enjoyable read for me.

One more suggestion: maybe talk about your main character's emotions a little more when the demon is giving him more power? As it is, Sensuret seems a little unsurprised that the Demon is doing this for him. Isn't it a big deal?

I don't have much else to say, as this was already well written in the first place. Nice work!

"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
-Chuck Palahniuk

Quote

Riedawriter23

Gender

Points 4890

Reviews 516

Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:26 am

Riedawriter23 says... · Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:26 am

I really liked this Jenna. It was Fantasy like I love and it had very interesting characters. What, though I ask, is your main character's power? I kept hearing him ask if his powers came from the demon and I read a yes but I never got what his power was. Was it that he could see the demon? And also I wonder if he had seen this being before hand. Does your character usually see such beings because he seemed very unsurprised. If it would have been me I would have freaked after being told I wasn't dreaming. Matter of fact I would have freaked if I saw a demon in the first place. But then again you did describe it as absolutely beautiful with great description I might add, so I guess he was sort of in a trance, maybe it didn't really matter that it was something so different? Anyway, as far as the story it was great, I'm really looking forward to the next, if there will be a next or if there already is one let me know. Great Job on this. I would only say to involve your readers more, I would like to know everything about these characters and I only know a little about the demon and the things that he answered for your main character. Great name as well, it's very interesting and new.

Keep it up and best of wishes!

I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*

Quote

Saphira

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 124

Mon Jan 29, 2007 7:04 pm

Saphira says... · Mon Jan 29, 2007 7:04 pm

Very good. I enjoyed every bit of it.

In places it needs more describtion but overall it was fantastic.

I can't wait for more.

Saphira

Quote

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources