Remember?

the finger-smudged glass panes
and the clank of doors
as we pushed them open,
ran into the silently gray rain.
-"it's raining!" she cried.
-and we pronounced it deep
and began laughing again,
and dancing and crying
and whooping and staring
defiantly back at the clouds
steely, billowing clouds
clouds that had caused such
pain, but a day before-
thoughts of hurricanes returned,
but were only harmonies to the
playful ripple
of rain falling into the
gutters of our mouths.
and we drank it all up
thirstily.

The ending could be improved, I think -- ending on "thirstily" (a strange word in itself) didn't sound right. I think if you edited it so it ended with something like "We drank it all up" it might be more dramatic.

Otherwise, I enjoyed this. It flowed well. I had a bit of a problem with the repetition of "and this and this" for three lines, which seemed redundant, but otherwise, good work!

i agree with the ending thing, it is a strnge word to end on. But other than that well done, it was a good read, with a good rythm thoughout, it all joined togther well which some poets have trouble trying to do, so good one!

BFG wrote:the finger-smudged glass panes
and the clank of doors
as we pushed them open,
ran into the silently gray rain.
-"it's raining!" she cried.
-and we pronounced it deep
and began laughing again,
and dancing and crying
and whooping and staring
defiantly back at the clouds
steely, billowing clouds
clouds that had caused such
pain, but a day before-
thoughts of hurricanes returned,
but were only harmonies to the
playful ripple
of rain falling into the
gutters of our mouths.
and we drank it all up
thirstily.

Huh? What was that about? I couldn't see what you were talking about....

it was just about a time a few friends and i were enjoying a rainy day by running in the woods and all over the campus where our parents work, playing tag and hide-and-go-seek, messing with the elevators and making our shoes squeak on the waxed floors. i live in a very small college town and that's the kind of thing we do on weekends. it's just a snippet of that, an image of my friends and the weather and a wildly fun day.