PuRe DaRk BeAuTy

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:|
Last edited by broken-image on Tue Nov 14, 2006 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't tell me im a idiot or kick me like a stray!
ITS A COMPLEMENT I SWEAR!
:D




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Okay, first off, TyPiNg LiKe ThIs Is ReAlLy AnNoYiNg, AS IS TYPING LIKE THIS!!! I don't know if you accidentally pressed Caps Lock or if you're trying to show screaming or what, but it's too much. Go with normal capitalization please.

Now for a real critique. "To search beyond limits and not be bound by them" seems a little awkward to me. Also, is it really necessary to say "pure dark beauty" in every verse but one? Stick it in the chorus and find replacement imagery for the other parts.

I really liked your second-to-last stanza, except "break away" should be two words.

Good job!
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>




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Points 890
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i dont exactly agree with niteowl but i think that your song is pretty well done. If you add a little more that it seem a little more clear Go for it!
*moosie*
"I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart... Baboom, Baboom, Baboom."
--Mel Brooks



Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.
— Jamie Anderson