To the moon and back

“How far is it to the moon?” she asks.

You look down at the top of her head.
“A long ways, my love,” you say.

She turns and gazes up at you
With big brown eyes,
And you know that someday,
Somehow,
She will achieve greatness.
“Mommy?” she says.
“I love you that far.”
She points a stubby finger
Up at the gibbous moon,
Shining up high in the dome
Of the heavens,
Distant and mysterious.
“I love you to the moon.”
She pauses, thinks, and speaks again.
“I love you
To the moon and back,” she says.

She turns back to watch the clouds
As they skitter across the pale moon,
Suspended in the sky
Among thousands of stars
Like little globes of fire
In the impenetrable darkness.
You stare down at her,
Sitting on the porch at your feet,
Legs crossed, dress pulled over her knees.
She doesn’t realize how much she means to you;
Maybe she never will.
But it doesn’t matter,
Because in your heart
You will hold those words.
“I love you
To the moon and back.”

Awwww...

This is very sweet, and I love the way you worded everything. The image of clouds passing the moon is lovely.

It's a bit cliche in a few parts, but otherwise, nice work on this! ^_^

That was a reallly good feeling of the love between a child and her/his mother.

I liked the metaphor u used in the second para. But i didn't get it did u use it for the cloud or the stars?

well I'm not a author, but I love it Syd!

After reading your short story I had to come and see what else you'd done. Again, lovely reading, darling, you have an old-world grace and style to your pieces that just captivate me.

As before, one small suggestion:

Up at the gibbous moon,
Shining up high in the dome

perhaps eliminate one of the "up"s

carelessaussie13 wrote:“How far is it to the moon?” she asks.

You look down at the top of her head.
“A long ways, my love,” you say.

She turns and gazes up at you
With big brown eyes,
And you know that someday,
Somehow,
She will achieve greatness.“Mommy?” she says.
“I love you that far.”
She points a stubby finger
Up at the gibbous moon,
Shining up high in the dome
Of the heavens,
Distant and mysterious.
“I love you to the moon.”
She pauses, thinks, and speaks again.
“I love you
To the moon and back,” she says.

She turns back to watch the clouds
As they skitter across the pale moon,
Suspended in the sky
Among thousands of stars
Like little globes of fire
In the impenetrable darkness.
You stare down at her,
Sitting on the porch at your feet,
Legs crossed, dress pulled over her knees.
She doesn’t realize how much she means to you;
Maybe she never will.
But it doesn’t matter,
Because in your heart You will hold those words.
“I love you
To the moon and back.”

Whats underlined confused me!! Horribly confusing. How does the narrator know she will achieve greatness???????
The stuff in BOLD touched me... Wow liked them bits.
Overall the thing (sorry poem) flowed well. I liked it to a certain extent.
Develop it more and make room for improvement and I'll definitely be back to read more of your work xxx
lexy xxx
p.s this poem reminds me of a book I read to my sister sometimes... about a daddy hare and a baby hare who are competing with how much they love eachother and the baby hare says exactly what the girl said in your poem.
"I love you to the moon." And when the baby hare fell asleep the big hare said:
"And I love you to the moon..... and back...."

really cute poem about mother-child love. i really enjoyed the last line. the imagery is well done too although the poem doesn't seem to flow too well.

by any chance, are you a Savage Garden fan? thay have a song with the same title although of a different theme.

A lot have been saying I stole the idea from someone else, and I'm afraid you might be right. I wrote this from something my mom always said to me when I was little, but I never really knew where she got it. Shoot! Thanks for everything, though, I fear this is headed for the scrap pile.

carelessaussie13,


Is this a poem or a dialogue, and what did you think would be of interest to a reader? I see nothing here worth taking the time to revise.


Best,
Brad

Awesome! That was sooooooooooooooo cute!