Lotus

Lotus -


Overwhelming stillness
sleeps quietly underneath
layer upon layer of darkness.

A rustle of awareness
slowly awakens it,
providing support enough
to ground itself in something
so seemingly non-exsistent,
something completely intangible
residing within layers of darkness.

A shining fountain comes forth;
colours vibrant, shadows intense,
a glowing beacon of hope
to those still resting.

Um. Yeah. Loved the first stanza. Got lost in the second. I liked it but, twas weird.

Ok first of all why LOTUS?

starting was really good,but the middle para sounded a bit vague.
This poem needs to be revised a bit.

Keep writing.
I shall be waiting to read ur next poem.

-Ani.

so seemingly non-exsistent,
something completely intangible

Those two lines are redundant and are probably what's getting everyone lost. Other than the fact you spelled "existant" wrong (truth be told I'm not positive how you spell it either) that line just trips all over itself. Just go from the line before that (which ends in "something" so you won't have to repeat it) to "completely intangible".

Other than that, it was pretty good. Keep it up!

ANI wrote:Ok first of all why LOTUS?

Because it's about a lotus

lol but more in depth, it is about a lotus seed resting in the earth 'underneath layer upon layer of darkness'. The second stanza is about the seed planting its roots and the third is about after its already grown. I chose lotus as the specific flower because its my favourite .

People seem to be confused about the second stanza. Its supposed to be mostly metaphorical. Prior to this the seed was 'asleep'. The verse 'a rustle of awareness slowly awakens it' is about the seed deciding to grow out of the darkness it is currently in and plant its roots, metaphorically, in the belief that it won't be dark once it grows out. The belief of a brighter place above its darkness is the thing 'so seemingly non exsistent', but the lotus' hope 'gives it strength enough to ground itself'[and grow]. And once it does grow out it is as positive as previously hoped.

But I'm glad you all liked it even though you were confused!

Hi green_river,


It's always reassuring to see somebody can elaborate on a definition. They are not, however, poets, and this is not, in fact, a poem.

Shrubs are not awakened, nor do they have a conscious. It might be worth your time to invest in a good biology text.


Take care,
Brad

Incandescence wrote:Hi green_river,


It's always reassuring to see somebody can elaborate on a definition. They are not, however, poets, and this is not, in fact, a poem.

Shrubs are not awakened, nor do they have a conscious. It might be worth your time to invest in a good biology text.


Take care,
Brad

Say what you will about me or my writing. I don't care. I however do not suggest you say anything as rude as this to anyone else because words with that much discouragement could seriously make a new writer stop writing. I won't.

By the way, I never once said I was writing a science textbook. It's a poem. It doesn't have to be realistic.

Well Well hmmmm had to read it twice But I figured I got it quite a bit, I like it the rythem not everywhere is as nice as it started but I'm sure you can work on that

Cheerios, Chandni