My very short simple story

Once upon a time I met a lie.
She told me that I was not the truth. That I should rebuke and convert to her religion.
She made "positive" criticism
About my life.
I told the lie to DIE.
I stabbed her in the back and let her bleed to death.
Because the truth never lies.
The truth is the truth is the truth and nothing but the truth.
The end
p.s And they lived happily ever after.

Ohh I see.

This piece is very uhhm unique in its own right.
Not quite sure what it is supposed to portray other than your straight and narrow path in life.
Hmmm...
Will have to think about this one...

If I may ask--why did you rate this as "R"? It certainly doesn't seem to me to contain any adult content.

And perhaps this would be better suited in the poetry forums? Seemed more like verse than prose. Or maybe you could take this idea you have going and shape it into a poem?

Just an idea.

i like it. i would like it better if

the end

and

p.s they lived happily ever after

wern't they because they sort of through you off at the end. keep writing though!

It's an interesting work. I like the idea of it, you can sense a plot but its....hard to follow. I only have two suggestions.

The truth is the truth is the truth and nothing but the truth.

this is kind of annoying, and wavers on cliche IMHO.

And I think you should take out 'ps they lived happily ever after' how could they? The lie died!

for your critiques lol

I think this is definitely more like poetry than fiction...

its NOT poetry, lol.
Its fiction.
And the reason it is a happy ending is because the fact that the lie died!
Lol, the lie was a baddy and so it died.
ok??? lol.
Thanks for your comments.

i really liked it. and i personally loved the little P.S. thing, but that's just me. i don't think it belongs in the fiction section though, like most people are saying...most definately prose.

I really like this, im finding your work very unique and deep, but yesi agree maybe it should be in the poetry section BUt very well done to you (again)

wierd....in a good way.....but very cool

(I personally like the part that goes on and on about truth.....)

This is a story?

*raises eyebrows skeptically*

Looks more like a rant to me.... Please do not post works on this forum unless you are serious about writing. The Young Writer's Society was not created as a dumping ground for things like this, but rather as a venue where serious writers can work on and improve their craft. Frankly, I can't even see a way in which this could be salvaged, much less transformed into a successful piece of prose. Or poetry, for that matter.

Sorry, I can't say I really liked this piece. It was too, well, substanceless. There is no story. At first, it looked like there was going to be some profoundness... then it never came.

lexy--


I had two reactions to this: one was to laugh maniacally and put it out of mind; the other was to wretch at the thought that you claim to be seventeen. Abundant grammatical and spelling errors are simply unacceptable at this level.

I do not know what the other users saw that was "deep" or "unique" about this, since it's neither of the two. It's nonsensical and stupid, at best. Unless you were trying to make the reader feel existential despair at the thought of this being considered "serious" literature, you have failed as a writer at the most rudimentary levels of language.

For the record: posting something in a literary forum does not make it literary.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of the work you have posted thus far has been well below the average level of work at the YWS. You might find www.poetry.com or www.pathetic.com a better place to start your future endeavors.


Best of luck,
Brad

well you would brad.