"Is it poetry?" That was the question asked when Whitman published his Leaves of Grass. Many of the poems written by Fernando Pessoa would seem prose if one would lose the line divisions. Yet, both made a remarkable contribution to modern poetry, which is today more loosely defined than in previous centuries. Every approach should be valid (I am all for experimentation) as long as the device invokes a response consistent with all the multiplicity of nuances that are found in poetry.
However, this does none of those things. It would behoove you to drop adolescent navel-gazing (and this poem) and pick up something more suitable, such as "Highlights for Children."
All the best,
Brad
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson
why blue??? Isn't the pink one more popular??? Wouldn't the pink one commit suicide first..... ? surely it being in the limelight would have lowered its life expectancy???
lol,good stuff x