Sick and tired

I’m sick and tired of all the lies.
Of all the games you play
I’m sick of all the heart breaks
So get out of my way.
I told you once I loved you
You said it back too
But then I realized it was just a lie
To do what you wanted to do.
I cut and cried to get you off my mind
I grabbed a pocket knife to help me through those times
The pain that seared
The scares they left,
The things that hurt
The arm they burned
All things point to you
From the cutting to the heartache
From crying to the pain
All I could do was think of all your games
The way they hurt
The way I cried
The way you laughed at me inside

jumping_jacks142 wrote:I told you once I loved you
You said it back too
But then I realized it was just a lie
To do what you wanted to do.

About this piece. Did you tell them once only?
Also, is it a lie to do as one wants? Or did you have a role in that?

Overall, not enough build up to accept self inflicted wounds as a resolution to disappointment, comes across as kindaz crazy. Maybe "Years of games you play"? Just a thought.

Confusion over my last post is understood, let me elaborate.

Ok, to start, read the following:

-I was feeling ill yesterday, but once I ate something I felt better.

-I kissed you once, and fell in love.

I cannot tell which one you are using in your poem, or at least its indicates the first example, which does not make sense in the context that you are using it. (If it is the first example, the Once should be the first word of the sentence.)

Next, all the lies, all the games, all the heart bearks, indicates many, but there should be an ultimate value placed on those before one resorts to self inflicted wounds. (i.e. a years worth, a lifetimes worth, a 'bleeding heart's' worth?)

If you want your piece to really mean something, there needs to be understanding, and/or closure. Currently "Sick & Tired" is just a portrayal of some phsyco goth chick. (Please excuse the analogy, I hope you are not one) But if so, there should be some understanding of this person relayed to the world, not just a description of her mixed up circumstance.

Try to figure why this person would so quickly resort to self inflicted wounds.
Perhaps your poem is a bit out of order. This person goes from standing up for thierself, to giving up thier heart in return for nought, and then self mutilation.

Bottom line, there should be more substance and a conclusion (or redemption), rather than just painting a picture, at least for this subject matter. Dunno, I dont critique very well, just tell ya what I think.