New poem

My mind recoils
At such astrosities of a condensed world
Where muddy feet would zig zag
And shoulders would press against one another
They grip their coffee cups
As if it were their whole world in a single palm
They march towards oblivion
Without relishing how precious time is
Their profound memories
Would flash against the sky
Slowly fading behind skyscrapers
The day would end
But the night lives on forever.

-y.a


So what do you think? Any opinions and constructive criticisms greatly appreiciated.


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Hi there yusraali! I'm sure people would be happy to review your work, but you have to post it as a literary work first. This forum is for discussing poetry, not reviewing poems. It looks like you've posted some works the proper way already, so you just have to review more and earn points to post.

I'm going to lock this topic now.