Event 2: Go Away and Stay Away!

Aww, someone beat me to it. =(

I ban you, AEChronicle, for making me look like a fool!

I ban you because you made me think of bishop's mitres, Newton and at one point, I was going to write a Shakespearean sonnet to illustrate why you should be banned. I ban you because you made me think too long and too hard of the best way to ban you, and no person should have to spend more than half an hour guzzling a can of Coca-Cola and trying to figure out the best way to ban you. I ban you because my limbs are all a-fidgety, a feeling of formication writhing around my arms and down into my fingers, because I'm nervous, so nervous.

I ban you because you are like an exploding star; fleeting and brilliant in the first light, and then blinding before you leave all my thoughts scattered in dust. I ban you because like the cherry blossom, you gave me beautiful ideas and dreams and then you crumbled away in my hands, leaving nothing but the scent.

I ban you because this is sounding suspiciously like a love letter and I didn't mean for it to be a love letter in any way. I ban you because this letter now reminds me of something I once wrote to my ex-crush. And never gave him.

I ban you, Celtica Noir, for a couple of reasons non validly approved by others.
1. Disrespecting Olaf, trying to ban him. U NO BAN OLAF!
2. Easily calling one a Nova, though impossible because thus subject is quite human, nonetheless. If he was like thou star, he would not be alive.
3. This isn't a mistake, but you never gave him the letter. Good job by you. Plus, you never summoned Cthulhu
4. Bob Saget, simply that

(This was intended for defyingravity01, but now I see 2 people have already posted for her. Awkward for us, but this is something the creators must have anticipated, so my post should definitely be qualified. If not, I will ban you, creators!)

Dear honey buns above,

Despite my air of nonchalance, even obviously-feigned sweetness, even pretentious I-think-I'm-a-superior-vintage-therefore-I-can-call-you-honey-buns-ness, I am livid with shock. How can you ululate that "slacker habits are inexcusable," when everybody knows that slacker habits are born out of laziness, and laziness is the very fabric of our lives? I ban you, so that you climb out from under your rock and look around. Our society is built by slackers, for slackers, with love. Laziness is a mantle 'round this globe, it is fashionable, it is respected. In the words of Agatha Christie, yes, the legend, "I don't think necessity is the mother of invention. Invention, in my opinion, arises directly from idleness, possibly also from laziness - to save oneself trouble." Bam. Scurry along now. Not gone yet? Well, then I've got another mud pie for you to eat. What is with your username? Bam. Original. I'm the queen of diss. Chew on my crown. But truly, why are you pretending you can defy gravity? Ask the apple that fell from the tree- it isn't possible! That is definitely feigned and utterly courtiery. You are banished from my court. Yes, indeed. *fluffs her queenly dress* Also, why would you put "01" at the end of it? Do you think you are the first one to defy gravity? That is INSULTING to those of us who've been at it for AGES.

Also, I pooh-pooh your use of Caps at the end of your horridly beguiling post. No one in the history of this Olympic event has done such a low and disgraceful thing, or did you not read all the previous posts and are the slacker yourself now?

Hahaha-HA.

PinkPanther is banned for not having an awesome Steve Martin avatar, or even, the Pink Panther himself. Like.. seriously? How dare you.

I ban you pink panther for writing things lickety-split.

Storybraniac, I ban thee for continuely 'nomming' people in chat- I still have a bite in my side, thanks to you... I hope you're happy.

It is the twenty-fifth century at last, and banning has become a national pastime. Hundreds of citizens are banned from things every day, and the number only grows higher. Holysocks, you are now one of the banned, a new member of the eternal community.

Buggiedude2340, you are a noisome gobemouche, and a micawberish pochemuchka to boot. You cause a dirl of formication under my swarthy skin, sending me into mulligrubs, weltschmerz, and causing clinomania (causing me to flee to my growlery) until brillig. I am a gemultlich woman filled with kalon, a nelipot who enjoys wandering in the forest, taking in petrichor and psithurisms (they send frissions down my spine!), but you have offended me mortally, as if you left crepuscular cualacinos next to my adoxographical book on my ultramarine, chinoiserie coffee table! Do not say I am a fissilingual agelast, as you have implied by your very existence. You obviously suffer from athazagoraphobia, you piggesnye. I ban thee. Be gone, you of erinaceous hair!

I ban magpie for banning buggiedude2340 and for being crapulous and for smelling petrichor.

I must request that you ban Storybrainiac since I found his ban message very bumptious, I mean seriously no one should be that assertive! And also I heard rumours, rumours that he wears a herigaut! Those things are so 13th century, just get with the times...

If he were banned I'm sure me and all the other users will finally be able to hear the psithurism once more, for it's such a lovely sound (except in hurricanes). But again I'm being too micawber, so I shall stop my ranting and return to story-land, where I can be a very good toxophilite.

(also, Storybrainiac is a nelipot )

I not only ban JackSkinner, but also everyone who has posted above me, as well as everyone who will proceed to post below me, for the simple reason that they are to no degree as awesomely amazing, kalon, edentulous and sexy as my wondrous frission inducing self.

I ban you, Blackwood, for our bumptious nature. I feel dirled by your arrogant tones. You make me want to seek my growlery, lickety-spit, and I would do so if I did not have clinomania. I feel incalescent from your adoxography, to the extent that I may even have stirred from my bed to chide you if there were no such inventions as laptops.

I ban Inkpot for banning Blackwood in a lickety-split manner faster. I was unable to use this adoxography because of Inkpot.

"I ban Blackwood for blinding me with his/her sexiness. Blackwood clearly has no regard for the well-being of those posting in this forum. I'm not even allowed to sink into a deep mulligrubs with his/her frission inducing! There's leechcraft among us! How am I to be inspired by my sorrows when I"m feeling gemutlich? My existence as a writer is no longer viable. Furthermore, I can't even happily participate in my routine applepicking knowing someone with such kalon is in existence.

And Blackwood, I don't accept your ban as the rules clearly state to ban the user above you. You're such an overachiever."