yombleflobber

Poor Arie. This raises many interesting questions like, "Who is this strange person?" "Did he leave the note at the hideout?" and other things that you hopefully won't answer for ...

First thing I noticed wrong was that there's something missing where it says "...bother the new people by giving them a before they even..." Giving them a what? Second thing, ...

You comma usage threw me off a couple times and the use of that colon in "and yet: some survived" doesn't quite sound right. In some ways, it sounds like ...

I think it's nice that Jordan knows how to manipulate Lane, though it sounds kinda like he wants her to manipulate him...their chemistry is interesting. With all the cartoon references ...

Reading the first verse at least it kinda resembled a Jack Johnson song...maybe that was just the tune I was putting to it, though. Anyway, it was good. It doesn't ...

The different perspectives are interesting. On the one hand there are the surface-dwellers who scavenge in the dust and ash and somehow manage to survive, then you essentially have cloud-dwellers. ...

The fact that you point out when something is a figure of speech bogs it down a little, like when Jordan is leaving with a "metaphorical storm cloud above her ...

Mysterious...You have some good imagery here, and the emotions are well-conveyed. I look forward to reading the next part.

Very nice. Don't worry about the spaces between the lines, it was still readable. I noticed a few spelling mistakes, but overall it was pretty good with that. Everything was ...

Ella from Hot Rod. The demon picked a book of the shelf and threw it at me. In the air I saw it open and light came from between the ...

Made me feel warm and cozy inside. The descriptions are evocative and vivid; I felt like I was in a little cottage, falling asleep by the hearth...

Sounds like a good outline, if nothing else. There is some tense confusion (she presently leaps into the tree in a past tense story) and some of the words don't ...

OK, so a bit of explanation about this story: First, I am not a girl, though the main character is. This is primarily because I dreamt about reading this story ...

This sounds really funny, and the idea of a zombie unicorn is rather frightening. You had a few errors, namely your overuse of commas in the first sentence, and at ...

It feels rushed and a bit more contrived than most contrived love stories. As someone mentioned, it's not explained why Steve got shot, and there's not much chemistry between the ...