yamar

eep. ok, ill do my best... I'm thinking about re-titling it... just a little bit: Iron Gate - a Memoir by Col. James Knox.

wow... edit and post at once... I hate when that happens, because then half the time neither of us are right! that is not the case now though... any examples ...

the conversational was intended, because it is supposed to be extracted from his journal; but you are right, it is a bit much... I admit, it needs work... but it ...

ok, I've fixed most of the parts that needed fixing, and if it doesn't make sense now, it probably will become clear within a few chapters. The one major exception ...

very good idea, thanks! I will incorporate that into the story, and it actually works very well for a part of the book that I have planned. :D Cheers, Yamar

You should pick a langue, because right now you're a mix of upper-class\irish and modern day english. Chose slang or upper class. ofir What I was kind of going for ...