xXTheBlackSheepXx

I couldn’t really find anything wrong with it. The only thing I can think of is maybe you making the plot and dialogue a little less cliché. It feels just ...

I liked it! It was very good. I did notice a few things though. A lot of the time you repeat the same words over and over and it’s pretty ...

The first paragraph was a little weak, I think. The first sentence didn’t make much sense. If you read it slowly you’ll get what I’m saying. It felt like you ...

of course :)

Thanks Kerza! I'm been thinking about putting that stuff in chapter 3 or 4. Curious- I'll send a PM your way when i get it done :) I'm glad you ...

Catch up on my first chapter! ^^ I'm a little worried about what I've done with this. Some parts sound a little cheesy to me, so i could use some ...

Pure genius!!! Haha I'm going to be humming this in my head all day! :smt005

I agree with the others that your main character is a bit unlikable. The part that really put me off about her was when she was describing all her old ...

Very nice! For me, it was very exciting. Just fix the grammatical errors that have been pointed out, and it will run much smoother. I would love to see a ...

Good job! The only suggestion I have is to maybe add in more descriptions here and there. I think it would really draw us into the story more. Like how ...

Great job on this! The buildings were tall and narrow on either side of me and it was drizzling lightly, the moisture soaking into my woollen cape, making it heavy ...

This was a little confusing. So you’re trapped in a building that has bricks blocking every entrance. Than you said ‘the only other differences was this large metallic cube’. I ...

I think this story could turn out really well. It seems a little strange to me that the ‘game’ is played with people of ANY age, I mean children would ...

I loved it!! I did notice all the plot holes that were pointed out, but I was still completely drawn into the story! I felt my heart go all heavy ...

I liked it! Definitely listen to all the good advice you’ve been given, because you know how to write and I love the idea. It was confusing to me to ...