xXTheBlackSheepXx

This is so short! I wish you would've written more :) The only thing that bothered me was how you seemed to switch in and out of tenses. You go ...

“No! No, I refuse,” Aniline Grace’s voice rang through the corridor standing at the end facing her mother, hands on her hips. This sentence doesn't sound quite right. It kind ...

Whew! I'm finally back! Hope this posts alright :) Well first of all, I have to say that after someone has reviewed, you should go back and edit your story ...

Claresta O'Neil awoke with a start not to mention to the wind howling and her old fashioned shudders hitting the walls on either side. The two things mentioned here don't ...

My heart pumped regularly, This information is irrevelant. A heart always pumps 'regularily', so what is the point of pointing it out? darent did not dare I darent look away ...

This gave me hope, somehow. It reminded me there was such a thing as emotion, such a thing as love and commitment... To me, it would be more like astonishment. ...

Isaac was wrapped in many thick blankets, with only his little, pink face peeping out. you don't need the comma after little. I was headed for the Forest, and beyond ...

Back again :) I picked them up and placed them on its chest: still to shocked for the grief to arrive- although I knew it would come. This sentence is ...

Hello again :) I'm back for chapter two! irritated with myself for not being able to think of any thing. anything- one word. I couldn’t bear to watch her in ...

Snow and ice cover the landscape so thick, that the surface you’d walk on is at least a mile up from the actual rock ground. cover should be covers I ...

I really enjoyed this! Within the first few lines you had grabbed my attention, and it felt like you had a great pace throughout. I like two brothers very much. ...

Sorry for the late response; I haven’t been on YWS in a while. I hope I can help :) Allison’s house stood solitarily, almost defiantly from the main mass of ...

Hiya Sopster! I'm stopping by for a review! Hope I can help :) The year was 2050, the Saviours and Destructors were at each others throats and they weren’t gaining ...

Hey RedRaven! Stopping by to review! :D Here's a few things: With angry-red eyes, he throws it at me before dragging me out the door. I'm not sure how I ...

Hi ofir! I had a great time reading this. I can't find much at all to critique, but I will try my best. To be honest, I was confused at ...