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Wait, I don't get it... "It has reached it's very last day," but, "Miles away can't keep us apart"? It seemed really forced, and the rhythm was really messed up. ...

Maybe it's just me, but it seemed like you tried really hard to be... well... random in this poem. It's like you wanted to be different or something. Nice wording, ...

Normally I don't like choppy poems -- they seem... forced. But I really liked this one. I liked the last two lines: "Only tunnel / No more light". I didn't ...

Thanks, everybody, for your criticism and comments. ^_^

I really like this, it's very original. It's very vivid, too. It's very good.

I agree with Firestarter. You need to work on the structure. And the line, "Looking for a place to shower," is a bit too rough for this poem. Otherwise, it's ...

It's really pretty. I can't stop reading it, lol.

Your poem is very pretty, I love it.

~Okay, so it's a teenage angst poem. So what? Not that it's any good, but that's besides the point. :P Okay, well, it doesn't rhyme and it's kind'a weird... but ...

Wow, so there are a lot of TWYC writers here? That's good -- I thought I'd be the only one >.

Hi, my name's Angel. I'm new on YWS and I'm just introducing myself... I used to write a lot on TYWC, but I'm trying something new. Hope to meet you ...