writer564

this is very good i can't wait to see the ending!! But you need to watch your sentences. They don't flow very well. The conversation he had with Christy ann ...

this is really good- i liked how you did it from Christy-Ann's point ofview-much more suspenseful. This is really good- i can't wait to see how you finish this!

wow, this was very unexpected--awesome! Other than a couple typos, it was really good. But, when the bottom floor of the mansion caught on fire, describe where. Did it get ...

This is really good. It is very realistic, and i can't possibly guess what is coming next. Keep up te good work!

thats funny about the pigeons-- but you need to make it clear if he still likes her anymore--because he wanted the money to impress her, but now he is using ...

Hey, is anybody else doing Nanowrimo? (national novel writing month) It just tarted today. The goal is to reach 50,00 words in one month for those who don't know. If ...

this is eally good!! I didn't expect any of this to happen!!! off to read the next chapter!!

This chapter was very good. One thing, though. At the beggining, when you said he fashioned the ropefrom the sheets- thats lod and cliche. Maybe you can say there was ...

This is good, but i don't think it is very realistic. Even if he was mad, i don't think any kid would go back to somewhere where he could be ...

This was by far my favorite cahhpter. You had more action and less telling. You make the reader want to go on to the next chapter. When you said he ...

This chapter was ok, but i agree you are doing to much telling. You do need to add more detail about her challenges. But you also need to add some ...

sorry, my computer shut off and i didn't get to finish. You did a lot of telling in the beggining but at the end i started to be more interested ...

This is a good idea, but you do a lot of telling instead of showing. I was only laughing because of peer pressure. This doesn't sound very realistic. You wanted ...