wonderland

Well, then. I ignored the warning, and I'm glad I did so. You have a special way of writing, putting minimal detail, but enough detail for your writing. I also ...

Grammar Now, with formatting, always start a new sentence with dialogue, which break it up and make it easier for the reader. Right now it's a big block of text ...

5000 words, thats a noble word count. I am going to review one paragraph, and this review will be harsh. THis is becuase this is good, except for this one ...

I'm going to be super harsh. Warning now. This whole thing was super cliche. Just the whole premise is has been done way too much, In child fairy tales. Especially ...

Slow down and describe. A lot. Show your MC's emotion through detail and description. Also, space out your paragraphs. Posing here ruins any formatting you'll have anywhere else. You have ...

Well, that was depressing. You said this was a continuation of something? It doesn't need to be a continuation. Your description is strong and amazing. Same with your emotion., I ...

Alright, so, you have an odd way of writing. What you need to do is think about your characters. Places like I elbowed them both in the ribs. They stopped ...

Alright, so where did Lilian go? She was there, but then just kind of vanished, unless I missed something. Perhaps there was a need for case reports what with every ...

Hold on! Slow down! A good story is built on backgrounds, description and emotions, not just action. Although, I do enjoy the action, you need to slow down and describe ...

Wait, what? You need more background detail. First you mention the arguing couple, then just the girl. Was the girl part of that couple? Why would the MC invite her ...

Right, so. I didn't feel anything. I want to feel the emotions in your characters. Describe the setting and your characters. I honestly want to feel everything thats going on. ...

Alright, well, you're too descriptive sometimes, such as She ran up to her room and stared at her own brown reflection. It wasn't her fault she was brown. She didn't ...

Okay, well. There was a lot not there. YOu can really expand by adding more details, more emotion. she said as if that part was unimportant she sounded very dumb. ...

That was confusing until I found out the beginning was a dream. I'd suggest putting everything in his dream in italics, it would clear things up for the reader. I ...

The cab driver held an outstretched grubby hand. I slapped down with a twenty as I threw open the door. "keep the change," I yelled. "Thanks," He yelled pulling away.I ...