wonderland

Slow down and describe. A lot. Show your MC's emotion through detail and description. Also, space out your paragraphs. Posing here ruins any formatting you'll have anywhere else. You have ...

Well, that was depressing. You said this was a continuation of something? It doesn't need to be a continuation. Your description is strong and amazing. Same with your emotion., I ...

Alright, so, you have an odd way of writing. What you need to do is think about your characters. Places like I elbowed them both in the ribs. They stopped ...

Thanks for clearing that up, because it was confusing. I automatically thought, that the cup had broken or something, and she was bleeding from that. It's harder writing from where ...

Alright, so where did Lilian go? She was there, but then just kind of vanished, unless I missed something. Perhaps there was a need for case reports what with every ...

1 I never listen when my mom yells at me. Her eyes are bloodshot , her thin brown hair falling over her shoulders. My aunt told he she used to ...

Hold on! Slow down! A good story is built on backgrounds, description and emotions, not just action. Although, I do enjoy the action, you need to slow down and describe ...

Wait, what? You need more background detail. First you mention the arguing couple, then just the girl. Was the girl part of that couple? Why would the MC invite her ...

Right, so. I didn't feel anything. I want to feel the emotions in your characters. Describe the setting and your characters. I honestly want to feel everything thats going on. ...

Wickedwonder - you're so pretty!! *_* Oh, yeah, really. Really? YOu are sooo much pretty!!!

8/10 I like the colors.

Trust me. This is edited. It'll show later on. 1 London-1806 It wasn’t just the pain Charlotte Tucker felt, it was the hallucinations. Sometimes, she’d envision she was home, sitting ...

Well, to add m hot guys to the list....

Alright, well, you're too descriptive sometimes, such as She ran up to her room and stared at her own brown reflection. It wasn't her fault she was brown. She didn't ...

Okay, well. There was a lot not there. YOu can really expand by adding more details, more emotion. she said as if that part was unimportant she sounded very dumb. ...