wonderland

lilPURPLEdots

To me, it wasn't that suspenseful. THats basically because I felt no emotion while reading. You tell the reader a lot. Your should slow it down, add more description. Paint ...

I actually had to skim this because it was hard to read. Remember to always start a new paragraph with dialogue, which you do in some places, but not others. ...

Yay! This is much, much better then your original. Having two black parents, with a completely racist father, I can totally get where your coming from. It's totally unfair that ...

Actually, your beginning id quite good. Your description is strong and beautiful The grounds were deserted. To quiet for anyones liking. The girls had crept through the corridors, making only ...

This site is amazing! Trust me, you'll love it! Welcome~ ~WickedWonder

My Ipod touch. I was holding it for the first time, and was like 'this is sort of a wicked wonder. Everything I've dreamed of for a long time." my ...

Good luck to you! I entered the same contest. Firstly, some grammar. plummeted into it's sea of words. Its. It's is a contraction for it is, which isn't what you ...

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9/10

10/10 awwe! Its so cute!!

I am that person your mother would pretend to love, but really hate.

Yeah, so I did the first two chapters this morning.

So, was any of that a dream? Because the dream parts you should put in italics, and make it easier for the reader. And you switch spellings of Arial and ...

Wow, that was short. Add description. I want to feel the wind hitting your MC's face, feel how she feels about wings. Describe the setting, you give us a very ...