wonderland

Alright, so, although that was short, I liked it. I found you,in that short paragraph, found a good sense of character, which I enjoyed. YOu also had a very good ...

Alright, so, that was very 'do-this-do-that'. You just basically told the reader everything your characters did, which I didn't like. Add more detail then description, sort of like painting a ...

ALright, so, your first line. That night Ambriel had a dream. Right. So, as a person who hasn't read your first chapter, that doesn't tell me a whole lot. Instead, ...

Alright, so, you are moving too fast here. You just give the reader details and description, but we don't get any of your MC's emotion or thoughts. It was kinda ...

Alright, so, this is from your novel? So, it's an excerpt? Right, so if both of those were yes answer, that clarifies some of my confusion. Sure, it was cute, ...

Alright, so, even in the beginning, you have clear, good sense of characters. I can already tell that Finn may be somewhat of that wild crazy party boy. Awesome. Things ...

2 I sat alone on a log, alone, gripping the beer cup. I watched as Mariah danced, apparently having the time of her life. I was bored, and ready to ...

Plastic smiles, paper hearts My heart is crumpled on the floor I’ve watched you tear it up And throw it at the wall I have to pretend Like everything’s alright ...

Age: 15 Nationality: Canadian (African Canadian) Did you read all/some/none of the Harry Potter books? All of them. Did you watch all/some/none of the Harry Potter movies? 1,2, 3, 4, ...

I'm going to try to get to 300 reviews. I'm a hopeful girl.

ALright, so, heres the thing. I don't feel like you balanced that out as well as you could. Most of it was just them meeting, Don't get me wrong, I ...

Okay, the specific things I need help with here are my tenses, spelling/grammar (I totally wrote this on my bus) and your honest opinions. I enjoyed writing it. ENjoy reading ...

I'm in. I got the best (maybe hopefully) Story idea on my bus today. So, i'm in.

ALright, I was gonna review the first chapter, but this one is here now. So Im gonna try and meld the two together Alright, so, What I noticed in the ...

This is hard to review, since it doesn't tell me much about your MC or plot, or anything. Basically it's just a paragraph. I'd say to describe more about her ...