wonderland

5/10 What? hmm??

Alright, so, you needed more. You needed more description, and more explanitions. (Example. it's your day for k.p. What is K.P? Why are they in Alaska?) You need more of ...

Akright, so, these are pretty awesome! I espically love the penguin. It was my favorite. I liked the shading there, it made the whole drawming work. The first drawing, i'm ...

So, I got a new digital camera for by birthday (Cannon Digital Elph) I named him Georgio, despite the fact he's hot pink. So, tonight, my dad, his camera, me ...

Hmmm? I don't get it. 5/10

MAC ~Star Violet Eyeshadow, Expensive pink eyeshadow, Eyeliner marker-thing, Gosh ~Ice pink lipstick Sephora ~Mascara, Eyeliner, Aspen Summit eyeshadow Maybeline ~Mascara Most of this is for shows and

Alright, so, that was short. That wasn't a story, but just a paragraph. Add emotions around what you have now, and add a backstory. Where they fighting? How long have ...

Alright, so, um, I'm not exactly sure what to think of this. You give some description, but not enough. Something also needs to happen in the piece, some action that ...

Alright, so, slow down. Slow way down. Describe more to the reader, especially with describing the character and her emotions. You moved too fast, and I couldn't get a good ...

Alright, So, wow. Wow, that was a lot. Too much telling, not nearly enough showing, and you need a balance of both. You don't have enough emotion, and thats something ...

Name: Derrick Montgomery Age: 17 Illness: Severe ADHD and Insomnia, severe anger management, very, very severe depression. Appearance: Black hair, big blue eyes, and an deceiving innocent look. His sk

Alright, so, long. But most of this was 'He did this-He did that' description, which was boring. After the shower, he slipped on some simple clothing, nothing fancy, it was ...

Alright, so, that was short. You don't give the reader nearly enough detail or emotions. I was also very confused. That day had been so peaceful. I turned 19 and ...

Alright, so, I have a confession. I didn't read your whole piece. I was stuck on your beginning. It was dark and rainy the morning that started my adventures. It ...

2 No mercy. The headmistress gave me no mercy. “Sit back down.” She says lazily after my retching has stopped, “you are a lady, you should have more class then ...