wonderland

2 My parents hadn’t returned home when I got home. I hurriedly stuffed my guitar underneath my bed, put a cardigan on over my ‘slutty’ tank top and grabbed my ...

Alright, so, that was, for the huge chucks of text used just telling the reader what was going on, was very vauge and confusing. Clear it up. What exactly happened? ...

Alright, so, Honestly, I didn't like the whole prologue thing. Prologues aren't needed unless it tells you something about whats going on in the story, and yours is messy, jumbeled ...

Alright,s o, I read both parts, just so I could get a sense. So really, I'm just gonna give you my general impression on the whole chapter. So, you did ...

Alright, so, Rosey covered most of the nitpicks, so I'm gonna give you the general impression of your piece. You used too much narration-in a sense that you told the ...

Alright, so, wow. That was very rushed. Very, very rushed. WHat you could do is give each of these events (Leaving LA, meeting her father/new step-mother, meeting her potential love ...

Pure romantic fluff! Yes! I'm excited! I also have a semi-plan for this, so hopefully it won't fall through! The ending needs work, yes, but it was the best I ...

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Alright, so, wow. That was really good. Like really, really good I honestly have nothing negative. Your emotion here was just right and I really truly felt it. Yes. I ...

Alright so, I do remember reading the second chapter of this, Unfortunately, I'm sorry to say, but my opinion hasn't changed much. Most of your dialogue seems stiff and forced, ...

Alright, so, I gave this a quick skim, and you need way more description and detail. You should be describing every setting, every thought or emotion that passes through your ...

Alright, so, I liked the first ending better. It shows how your MC is nervous, maybe even scared to answer. I liked that and I felt the emotion. Other then ...

8/10 If we want to get technical, your heart can't break

9/10

1. Become stage manger for Oliver 2011 2. Finish Harlot 3. Maybe pass my math and bio exams? That'd be nice 4. Memorize every song on the Cardology album--->annoy parents ...