wonderland

Alright, so, you have a good beginning. Now you need to take every even farther and add emotions, thoughts of your characters. Now, they just seem like stiff dolls that ...

Alright, so, It was alright. You have a good start, but you main character is unbelviable. slim 16 year old with long dark soft wavy hair and gray eyes that ...

Heres the deal. This script needs help! Thank you! Lights up on centre stage. There is a counter on stage (filled with cups) JACKI, followed by NARRATOR, makes her way ...

Alright, so that was pretty good. Your detail in the beginning was fantastic, really pulling me in, and making me want to read more, despite your line after the italics ...

The dark. I can feel it closing on me with it's ruthless reaming. I shudder, feeling like they were closer then before. "Cold, Kitty?" It's Sawyer, along with Luke and ...

Now, because the Earth is round and it tends to spin Wait, what? Since when does this earth spin??? ahah, Jokes. I'll do my best.

Represent, City!!! yay! I always love checking out the stats. Makes me feel smart.

Alright, so, you need much more description. You have major dialogue, and not enough description to back it up. Add a ton of senses (sight, sounds, ect) and add that ...

Alright, lets see if I could keep this for more then three chapters. It is terribly hard to be pleasant in a corset. It is terribly hard to do anything ...

This totally had to be written, I swear. 1 Whenever I looked right into Chloe’s eyes, it was like seeing a mirror image of my own, eyes, deep and green ...

Alright, so, my confusion hasn't been eased from the last chapter, and I'm getting more Harry Potter vibes as I read on. You-both of you- need to slow down a ...

Alright, so, I am sorely confused. You need to explain a lot more, and give the reader something to go on. As RangerHawk said above me, that both the prologues ...

Alright, so, I have a few general comments with this piece 1) Your font was too small, and I had to zoom in a lot to read it. I actually ...

Alright, so, this was long. Very long. I'd suggest breaking it into parts, so it's easier for your readers to read it. It was long, and I'm heavily ADHD. It ...

Alright, so, I was confused, all about why this was happening. You gave good details and imagery within your writing, but that didn't clear up my question-Why is this all ...