volleyball13

This seems really interesting. If I were you, I would continue. There are a couple grammar problems like [ I was about to call him again when I heard a ...

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There was a particular table watched closely by a particular teacher. Derak Feldman. Mr. Feldman to the students and half the staff. Everyone knew not to me  I think it ...

There was a particular table watched closely by a particular teacher. Derak Feldman. Mr. Feldman to the students and half the staff. Everyone knew not to me  I think it ...

I really like this story. I'm reading each story as it's entered into my contest. It has good suspense at the end. :D

Cataternity Haha, I like the word, rather clever.

I like your writing style, keep it up!!!

I need a better title Maybe you could call it "Grumpy and Snow White's Adventures of Resentment" It's the best I could come up with, sorry if it's no good.

So this is the conclusion of the Red Cloak. I don't think it should be the end. Maybe do a spin-off focusing on one of the minor characters. I think ...

other I write more scary/horror stories with paranormal. They can't really be classified as either dark or fantasy to I opted for the other category. : :smt001

It's a good start. Sitting the girl waits for a sing, but expecting nothing. I think you meant to say "sign" instead of "sing." I'm assuming the girl is actually ...

I stuck my tongue out at her. I absolutely love this line! :D Overall I think that you did an amazing job with this story and how you changed the ...

Skwmusic : this is just backround about the locket and Cynthia, because they are very important to the rest of the story.

Thanks. When I added details to this before, I forgot to add the sentence about it being missing. Again, thanks for the help.

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