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Re: The Tuning Fork, Chapter 1 - 5 am
1. 5 a.m. Early morning sunshine shafted through the badly boarded up slats where the workers used to sit and dine. Now, instead of the warm touch of humans in ...
Mar 4, 2009 -
Re: Sea
Hi, Lil_Pau. First impressions of your poem: Short and sweet with a defined conclusion in a separate stanza - ticks the box for me! Brilliant metaphors and similes used here, ...
Mar 4, 2009 -
Re: Searching for Raspberry - Preface + Chapter 1 - Vision
Preface This is the wrought iron gate where they enter the Chapel from the Alcove; this is the first sunlight I see when my eyes open from the darkness; and ...
Feb 26, 2009 -
Re: Little-Huge Void
Hi, ConfusingSillyLittleGirl. I found that the best part of your poem is the ending - the gradually diminishing lengths of lines is very effective, and the repetition of Strike me, ...
Feb 26, 2009 -
Re: Remaining In The Past
Hi, Nalyd. Your poem is ever so simple, with a repetitive structure, but it very cleverly conveys the under the weather emotions of the persona. I liked the consistency, and ...
Feb 26, 2009 -
Re: Spring Magic
Hi, VUZFEK. The title of the poem really intrigued me at first. Unfortunately, (not being deliberately mean, don't take this the wrong way please!) but the poem was a slight ...
Feb 26, 2009 -
Re: Feeding Time
Good morning, sunshine I’m feeling warm today and I think It’s got something to do with the Subtle glow of the faint words Which rest on the translucent screen I ...
Feb 24, 2009 -
Re: Rot
Hi, erratik_statik. On first impressions, the language you use is perfectly suited to the tone of your poem. I especially loved this bit: Wishing, waiting, hoping, praying, dreaming of a ...
Feb 22, 2009 -
Re: This Town Doesn't Have Sidewalks
Hi, Explosive_Pen. Your poem is very nostalgic and dynamic in its own special way. I like it. *smiles* My comments are in bold: We walk on the narrow curb, Holding ...
Feb 21, 2009 -
Re: Mr. Darcy or Mr. Cullen?
I'd gladly take both, please. However, something about the thought of a perfect man climbing in through my window to carry me off to sleep is strangely appealing. Team Edward ...
Feb 21, 2009 -
Re: Imagine how the person above you looks like by their avatar
Shauni: Dark brown hair with brushes of gold, five foot four ish, hazel eyes with a green tint, olive skin, pierced earlobes, likes to wear skinny jeans and bomber jackets. ...
Feb 21, 2009 -
Re: White Stallions.
Hi, LlamaDuck. Firstly, I loved the title of the poem! It's what drew me into reading the poem in the first place. The poem is full of simple and graceful ...
Feb 21, 2009 -
Re: Anticipation, Chapter 1 - First Glance
1. First Glance “Hello, Lucy. Come and take a seat,” said Ms Arden, motioning towards the piano stool with a thin wrist. I slowly walked in and put my rucksack ...
Feb 20, 2009 -
Re: One big, not-so-happy family.
Oh, and I forgot - you get a gold star for writing such a fantastic poem! *smiles*
Feb 20, 2009 -
Re: One big, not-so-happy family.
Hi, fragile_heart. I absolutely love this piece because of its sincerity; it speaks the truth straight from the depths of the heart. The language is simple and matter-of-fact, but conveys ...
Feb 20, 2009
