teenweirdo

Very nice. I enjoyed this. It's really metaphorical, which is pretty cool. The color is drained and gone, leaving the widest range of technicolor greys. Sound is the only invasion, ...

Yes, I agree with niteowl. Always remember the rule: Show, don't tell. It will help you a lot when you are writing, especially with poetry. Also, use spell check before ...

Hmmm... like everyone else said, this doesn't seem completed. It sounds like you were writing a story, not really poetry. It was telling, not showing. The last sentence doesn't even ...

Haha that's funny! I hate that song, too. I tend to listen to a lot of different types of music, but Barbie Girl is just plain stupid. Moving on... Pretty ...

Yay for Muggleborns! I'm a fan of Hermione. Haha. Well, anyways, nice piece. I think everyone else caught most of the mistakes and I would have made pretty much the ...

Hi. I love the poem. Found a few typos and stuff, but nothing major. :) "Ignore" in fourth stanza is spelled wrong. Probably typo. You spelled it "ingnore." Just correct ...

Hi there! Love the poem. So powerful. Favorite lines bolded, suggested for correction in red, my comments in italics. Lightning slashes at the sky. rain saturates the soil dry. thunder ...

Thanks, Prokaryote. Good critique. The thing is that I already wrote five chapters of this story. And also, this story is going to start being different after a few chapters ...

Sorry I chose this. I'm acting really dumb today.

It switches from third to first person very quickly. It seems kind of weird to me how that happens and it doesn't seem like the first two paragraphs flow very ...

I agree with Aedomir. That line doesn't flow as much. It is short too, as one person has said. Maybe lengthen it and separate it into stanzas. It might flow ...

I'm not. November's already too much for me. :( ~Jamie

It is a nice little poem. I like it a lot. I spotted a typo: They all turn there backs Just change it to "their." I like the personification of ...

Pretty good. Some of it sounded like it didn't flow very well. Too many syllables at some parts, I think. Read it aloud and see if you can make some ...

All about an apple. And actually interesting. I liked it. It was short and funny. I can imagine Sirius like this. :) ~Jamie