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Re: Torn Veil (Part 1 of 3)
Wow, this is really good. You did a fantastic job of grasping the readers attention. You also went into detail, but you may want to go into more detail so ...
May 26, 2010 -
Re: Sunkissed(2) rewrite: A old-fasioned teen pregancy
“Welcome Sir, may I help you with anything?” I said as once again another customer entered the dreary and dusty shop. It had been a rather busy day in the ...
Apr 25, 2010 -
Re: Sunkissed(2) rewrite: An old fasioned teen pregnacy
“Welcome Sir, may I help you with anything?” I said as once again another customer entered the dreary and dusty shop. It had been a rather busy day in the ...
Apr 25, 2010 -
Re: A Single Rose
Great beginning to a story!!! Overall it had great detail, and a grasping entrance for the reader! The rose thing definitely made since to me and it was very clever ...
Apr 25, 2010 -
Re: Till Death Do Us Part *Needs A LOT of Help!!!!*
Hello!!! I wont bore you with more grammatical stuff because it looks like that's already been covered, but I do have a few pointers. Here we go!! 1.) When it ...
Apr 25, 2010 -
Re: Black Roses Red-Something i just sort of came up with
Perhaps if the summer of 1949 had never come, she would still be with me now. I’ve always wondered what would have happened between the two of us if she ...
Apr 10, 2010 -
Re: Sun Kissed. An old fashioned teen pregnacy
The day in the shop had been a slow one. Only a few people from our small village came to pick up ingredients for their Sunday meal. I worked the ...
Apr 7, 2010 -
Re: Anna and Ryan- their story
This is a very good start to a story. I love the tone, but your moving a little too fast. You need to spend more time on details, I believe. ...
Apr 7, 2010 -
Re: Outspoken Rain
The day had been a painful one. She and Andrew had run errands all day, but he was saddened and his face was pain stricken. The California suburb weather was ...
Apr 6, 2010 -
Re: Untitled Project Chapter Four (Title names welcome)
Sorry this is actually, Chapter 3.
Aug 15, 2009 -
Re: Fetus (1)
Hello! I'll be reviewing your story today! This story is very good for several reasons. 1.) You can definitely feel the emotions between the couple. 2.) You can vividly imagine ...
Aug 14, 2009 -
Re: Untitled Project Chapter Four (Title names welcome)
Chapter Four Victorian Academy The boat ride seemed to last forever. They boat finally landed on the coast at 8:00 in the evening and the students walked down the dock, ...
Aug 14, 2009 -
Re: Untitled Project
Chapter Two: S.S Victorian “Good day to you Miss,” the captain said as Amberly climbed onto the boat. Amber gave a small wave to the captain and then turned to ...
Aug 3, 2009 -
Re: Untitled Project (Title Ideas Welcome)
Chapter One: Four Peas in Four Different Pods It was a normal morning for the Gilmore family. Mr. Gilmore, also known as James, was cooking breakfast in the small, cramped ...
Aug 3, 2009 -
Re: Last year i decided to kill myself - a short story
I like the story line, but I do feel that there are some things that can change. The first part would be is that you jump right in to them ...
Aug 3, 2009