sokool15

I like this! And I would agree that the prologue should be worked in later, but the problem is you have to know that Heather knows that she has a ...

Tee hee...only one thing I found: "Panting and slobbering all over the place." It's not fable language. Panting, maybe, but not slobbering, and not 'all over the place.' Think of ...

Hmmm...I really like this. It's a little bit of an info dump, and all that information you put in the first chapter could have been saved for later. But the ...

Because of the one bad word, you should rate it at least pg-13. I don't know what the rating system is on this site...but the f-word kind of exceeds the ...

*echoes all that Sworddance said* A good story so far...one thing I noticed, however. Sprinkled throughout the entire story, you have little short bursts of sentences, like gunfire. This style ...

I really like this! A great sequel to the previous one. It's like a completely different story, with a couple of the same great characters. It's much lighter, much different, ...

What you need to do here is simple, but time-consuming enough that I'm not going to do it for you. From the little that I read, it looks like a ...

*echoes BrokenSword* I agree. Your general style is engaging and fun to read, but...ahem...kissing even before the first date? And marrying right afterwards? :? Nah. Everybody likes romance, but part ...

Sorry, I dropped you a comment earlier when I was in an extreeeme hurry, and although I absolutely loved your story *so far, subtle hint hint* I had to be ...

Once again...wow. I am truly amazed at your talent. Congrats. This was part of the one you started posting chapters for, isnt' it? Did you decide not to post the ...

Wow...I am really surprised that someone your age could write something like this. It's very bitter, and sad, and it manipulates the readers emotions. I must tell you, I am ...

Okay, well if this is the unedited version, I won't bother to point out the very few little mistakes I saw. Great, intriguing story! There were a couple of extremely ...

and great personality consisting of flexibility, cleverness, kindness, responsibility, intelligence, and every other redeeming quality you could think of. A great personality consisting of...that seem

Wow...this was really well written. I liked it a lot! You have some very clever, deep sentences in there. I like how you hint subtly that some tragedy has happened, ...

This is extremely well written, and I couldn't find any grammatical errors, punctuation mistakes or spelling errors. One thing...the paragraph where she stretches out her sienna legs and talks about ...