smvanr

May I?

So funny!! I actually think you could make this longer, to include some of the other details of the book. Like "spent detention replying to lockhart's fans... i'd almost rather ...

Hi, I'll be reviewing your writing. This is a little short, but as a prologue it's fine and kind of interesting. I'm definitely curious about what will happen/what's going on, ...

Warning: this will be a long review. But I like the storyline a lot, so therefore I will nitpick. :D You're also really good at dialoguing and making it sound ...

Hi, I'm going to review your story. (: I just want to let you know that I am being suuuuper nitpicky here. Mostly because there isn't anything else left for ...

Hi, I'm just here for some quick remarks that I picked up while reading. First: your character/narrator loves to use "I." Not only that, but he loves starting almost every ...

It's nice, I guess. But most of what you were trying to say got lost in the grammar/sentence errors. Really :( I'll point out a few of them: Now, we ...

I love your lead-in, love the hook. I suppose it's because when you lie, you create your end, you choose what happens and doesn't, and if you're good, people believe ...

Hm... I think this piece might have actually worked better as written in first person. The "she"s at the beginning really got confusing, and I personally feel closer to the ...

Warning. This will be long. I'm going to be very nitpicky about this, because the story has sooo much potential! It just needs some help revealing the story. First off, ...

I like this story idea, and it can definitely go places. I do agree with Apple though... you take what could be four or five pages and compress them into ...

First the corrections. I did a loooot of grammar tweaking, so I hope you don't mind the long list of barely altered quotations. Like deleting one word, or rearranging the ...

Jumping right in. :D A few of the commas: So, Mr. Higgins , what do you like to do? I said , hoping for the exact reaction I received. "Yes, ...

Sorry to be reposting on the same chapter, but I'd been thinking about something for a while that bugged me a little. I had had so many negative thoughts about ...

Wow. That was really good writing... I was almost crying at the end of the chapter. Some mini-corrections: I had so many negative thoughts about her while I was wondering ...