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"“Oh my god. “ She turned around to look at the man standing behind her. “Is that blue paint on his chest?” “I laugh young Myria. No, he had blue ...

Very nice job. :) I really liked this, and I thought it was really well-written. My thoughts going through: " a girl could only go so long without her mom ...

This was really good! Not what I was expecting... An interesting format, I guess, is what I mean. But good, I think. At least for this story. I liked the ...

I'm seeing a lot of repetition here... Words used over and over. Lot's of 'was', which makes your writing kind of passive, and makes it harder to get involved in. ...

"Sunlight streamed through the curtains like golden beams." Not 'like' golden beams. Sunlight IS golden beams. Like golden rivers? Sure! Golden spears? Wonderful! Or even if you just said 'golden ...

A nice start. :) My thoughts going through: "Pain seared across Alec’s palm, a brilliant light filled his vision." I think maybe more than a comma should separate these phrases... ...

" stroking the blade from above the fabric of my denim" This is phrased a bit oddly. Maybe say it a little more simply? Something like "feeling the flat of ...

Lots of potential here, I think. :) My thoughts going through: "-Removed-" This line seemed a bit odd to me. If I were you, I'd axe the 'What, is she ...

Very good! This is a nice start to the story. Well written... If there are any major changes that need to happen, I didn't notice them. There are a couple ...

"It was a fateful day when the Congress of Man gathered the CXXXIVth time." This doesn't exactly grab me. It feels like you're trying too hard to be dramatic and ...

I have returned! 8D "The board burst into flames as the winning King destroyed the remainders of the violet pieces assembled across the board." Yeah... They go through a lot ...

"jump and hunch like a cornered rabbit." Hm... This might be fine, but maybe... Jump THEN hunch? *tries to hunch and jump at the same time.* "No wonder" No wonder ...

o3O This was... Sad. A bit odd. :/ Those were some interesting elements you had, especially in combination, and I think you did a good job staying true to them. ...

Yeah, so this kind of starts up right after the scene in the prologue, which means - to me - I'd say that the prologue is basically part of the ...

"Two Months Earlier" Earlier than what? This is the prologue. This is where we begin. The rest of your novel is going to be Two Months Later. Some tense issues... ...