silented1

I do not believe you need the first two stanzas really. They are reflected upon / mentioned later on in the poem where it has more importance and is used ...

First three or so words: The carving was done. Move that to where it has some more relevence. In the beginning like that, it's an unexpanded idea that is immeadately ...

Stanzas two and three reflect the same ideas but they're kinda TOO similar. They're repetitive, it doesnt' move from the cage idea totally, and you can remove that (rib) part, ...

Hey, nice poem. From what I can tell (and that's not a lot!) this has no errors =D. I liked the simple presentation of ideas and everything. Very nice. GREAT ...

Well. The ideas in the first stanza don't leave the first stanza. It speaks mostly of what is later on in life. It sounds somewhat like a highschool or a ...

will return one day.

Well, your poem doesn't really move from the idea that I'm here for you and life sucks. Which is okay, because that is the idea of your poem. What is ...

They're pictures. I don't know what else I can say. Lol. Sorry.

Your review is done. And I am still sorry boo.

Creep slowly eyes down waiting to eat golden steel. Cracked knuckles and teeth made of wood. This imagery is good, it gives us a direct image of what you're talking ...

"disillusionment went lurking around". (Hey! Wasn't that personification? XD ) what does it add to your poem? Disillusionment is running around, cool but so what? Make the connections.

I have one idea. The second stanza throws everything off. It seems unconnected to the first and the third stanzas. As well as it's last line being somewhat unconnected from ...

Your review is finished. (As bad as it was.)

Your lips parted and dove Creating swirling melodies That wandered through the empty rooms This is the only new problem I saw. Parted and dove. That makes no sense. As ...

I'm still open, lol.