shadowsoldier

You want to watch your punctuation in the poem, you went from a comma to a new sentence with nothing in between. Other thatn your punctuation I thought this poem ...

The storyline is good, but you need to work on your transistions. “Never,” Toar, the ship’s keimon told her. This confused me, who is talking and to whom.

The storyline is good but you need to work on your transitions between one moment and the next. “Never,” Toar, the ship’s keimon told her. This confused me, who is ...

I didn't like how this poem started with a rhyme and then went on as if it was never there. In poems it will do you well to be consistent ...

I really liked this poem, it brings about a couple of interesting emotions that you wouldn't expect. I liked how you ended this piece, like what some said above me, ...