-
Re: Cipher
hey! another good piece for a 14 yr old! but here's the stuff I picked up: Danny was quite surprised to see the head --- here explain what kind of ...
Dec 10, 2007 -
Re: RAW DOG
first of all, nice story. second: A metal slug whizzed through the air, burying itself in the concrete. Fire illuminated the scene: gunfire, pounding through the door like it was ...
Dec 9, 2007 -
Re: A Fool's Hope
Good story. though awkwardly written. first off, because it starts off as a memoir, the reader know that the story teller isn't dead. Therefore, we know he's overcome all the ...
Dec 9, 2007 -
Re: My story. I am a newie.
hey... i, for one, read all of your story. it was surprisingly good. it has a plot, good diolouge and the right amount of characters. i didn't like Part Two ...
Dec 9, 2007 -
Re: Loose Lips Sink Ships
bonus points? *laughs* has it got something to do with gossip that you're sick and tired of? Neways - this is really well written and i couldn't find one mistake ...
Dec 8, 2007 -
Re: The Blade of Eternity
Precariously, she held the heavy wooden spear in her hands as she ducked under a large hibiscus plant. ---- i think percariously should be somewhere in the middle of the ...
Dec 6, 2007 -
Re: The Priceless Bounty
hey good story so far - but in the second part, there's this: Too fast for Kana, he grabbed her own gun and shot her in the head. --- i ...
Dec 6, 2007 -
Re: Moustache
this was hilarious!!!!! geez! my moustache was getting more action that I was, and I continued to become less and less sober, the more I started becoming jealous of my ...
Dec 6, 2007 -
Re: A Thousand Little Animals
hey wow! that was awesome! maybe u didn't intend it to be creepy, but man!!! gave me goosebumps everywhere! if this website was like i'd so totally favourite that!!!! nice ...
Dec 6, 2007 -
Re: ghost of the fire (sequal of 'just like me')
again, a nice peice of work! all that needs to be fixed are simple errors, along with your use of speech marks. for example: ‘He travels a lot’. ----------- this ...
Dec 6, 2007 -
Re: Sicily
This story is okay, but it rambles on a bit. Punctuation, diolouge, literation - the whole lot is great - it just isn't the best story to read. I cannot ...
Dec 4, 2007 -
Re: High Beams
Nice - wasn't expecting that kind of story at all - a neat little surprise. Good idea, nice pace. . . but the ending was a little weak. The last ...
Dec 4, 2007 -
Re: Hitchhikers Guide Style Story
this was great!!!! When u said it was going to be in the style of HHGTTG, i was "oh oh" - but it turned into "oh! oh!" wow! made me ...
Dec 4, 2007 -
Re: The Prologue to My Book. Duty Calls.
I liked this one! and Rodax was so cool! - wasn't expecting that! i really enjoyed the beginning - reminded me of Andy McNab, Matthew Reily and the guy that ...
Dec 4, 2007 -
Re: Chapter One of Duty Calls Part Three
“You have a personal life?” Rodax started, unable to help himself. *LAUGHS* “Mercenary! That‘s quite enough. You‘re upsetting me.” Baalith shouted. --- SOUNDS SILLY. I MEAN, WHEN I SHOUT T
Dec 4, 2007
