rumblythunderxox

Woo Michelle is going to hook up with Derrick! YES! I knew it! Okay, again a little to much dialouge for my taste but everything was good. You are such ...

I found there was to much dialouge, it got kinda boring. Um, Okay try to join things together or cut some out. Get to the point, but ease into it. ...

Derrick is my fav

I have a crush on Derrick! Ha, sorry. Okay, it was good, lots of dialouge, needs a wee bit more of description. I donno, I'm pretty good at seeing where ...

Fact - You are a great writer I see a lot of improvment from the prologue! I love the way your words come together, they don't sound akward or out ...

I want to find out a little more about her. Are they irish? (because then I'm hooked, there's nothing better then a hot irishmen Ah!) Why was she a weirdo? ...

It okay for your first draft. I mean there was a lot of usless info that i didn't care to much about. So you should def filter it a wee ...

Hey folks, this is just something I whipped up for fun, but I've taken to it so i decided to post it and hopefully everyone will enjoy the story as ...

wow wow wow. it was kinda short, i needed more. but it does show promise. but first and for most it needs alittle bit of order. some structure some formatting! ...

I found there was too much description in your first paragraph. It was a lot to take in all at once. Your character needs a bit of work, but i ...

Well you have my attention! It's really good so far, your a good writer! Ya a little bit of typos and grammar. But I always say write with your heart ...

Okay the dialouge was a little 'much' meaning unrealistic and too fast without 'fillers'. But it has potential. Don't worry about the grammar and spelling. It's your first draft! (Hopefully) ...

Ofir! I had to say, usually i dont like the diary type styled writing. But i really liked this. I know everyone always says 'work on your grammer, work on ...