room101

The desolate tower loomed once again over him; chaos was all that surrounded him as the armies of the free people were falling, the Mantels were victorious. Captain Lundek the ...

i hope this doesn't seem to critical but it was too short for a first chapter and you need to take time to describe the characters and surroundings

good prologue you were able to catch the readers attention from the start till the end however when you post your story up here use a different text style too ...

this is the start of the first chapter - enjoy The desolate tower loomed once again over him; chaos was all that surrounded him as the armies of the free ...

very clearly set out which makes it easier to read very detailed descriptions if you stay with it then it could turn out to be an excellent story

i'm guessing that this is a prologue because of the length, but it seems that you have rushed this a little bit there seems to be a lot of thought ...

hi im new to this but hopefully it wont take to long to get used to started writing fantasy about a year ago i will post my work up later ...