ratdragoon

This was, sadly, an oh-too-familiar, and painful, sight. As an opening sentence, this needs to be tighter and have more of a punch. Sad, familiar, and painful are all key ...

Three: Departures Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. Psalm 84:5, NIV Bad breath and burnt food, this could only be the ...

For a school competition we have to make a 100 words or less literary piece, based on the statement: "Science may set limits to knowledge, but should not set limits ...

Just a thought, but is it truly necessary for this to be a prologue? It seems like the next chapter will be continuing directly on from it, and seeing how ...

Can an admin please remove this topic? I want to enter this into a competition but can't have it "broadcast" Sorry :\

Hey there! Things I liked: The beginning. It was easily the best past of this chapter in my opinion. The scene felt adequatly set, even if the personification of the ...

I quite liked how the poem has parts where it almost rhythms, but not so blatantly as it affects the flow. I found the topic of trust to be a ...

Your title is nice; it's what pulled me to read. I felt like you've rushed the important parts of the chapters, switching to telling these important scenes in summery. Like ...

Another fantastic chapter. I'm really liking the short, punchy dialogue. The whole thing is punchy and pithy in general, actually, you're not wasting any words here, but I'm still having ...

first thing first; I really liked this! I agree with what EliteHusky said about the second sentence, but also with the multiple praises about setting the scene. The only thing ...

TWO: A CAUSE TO DIE FOR A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. Psalm 91:7, NIV 1515 ...

I Am The Cheese is amazing! All should read! Ahem, anyway... I liked it! I found it a little disconcerting at times. That everyone had white teeth seemed a little ...

Intriguing... Needs a bit of work, though. For the most part it was tight grammatically. Just a few things I noticed: My father is to weak should be "too" Prince ...

You caught me with the thesaurus thing, that's a bit of a habit of mine... The historic accuracy worried me.. I based most of my research on wikipedia (I can ...

Wow... Reminded me a little of Tarantino at the start, or some old-fashioned hard-boiled detective (or hit man in this case) But unique. But just... wow. The only (only) snag ...