rachiegirla

I think you're a bit harsh on your writing. It's very good. If you want to make it more logical: well, the impression I got is that it is a ...

This is definitely a prologue, because it's a little separated from the rest of the material (which, you know, isn't written, but I'm guessing it's the rest of the story. ...

Well, I quite liked this. Does she survive? Sorry, just wondering. it’s fingers snagging on her cloak 'it's' should be 'its', because 'it' is the only word in the English ...

This is really good. I thought the first few sentences (about sickness) were excellent, because they contained good description and were an intriguing beginning. The only thing to be aware ...

Wow. Dramatic. You shouldn't feel nervous since (so far) it's a good story. My only, very small, criticism, is that Fang "had" got himself into trouble rather than "has". But ...