-
Re: Letters to you. Part 1
Interesting concept. I really do like the way it flits around, though it makes some of it hard to understand. You also have some grammatical errors. So: Can you really ...
May 22, 2011 -
Re: Staring Stars (Contest Entry, Feedback Please!) MAJOR EDITS
Wow. Very well written. I didn't find any fundamental problems with your grammar or narration, though you might want to edit the little bits of dialogue/bits that are italicized that ...
May 22, 2011 -
Re: HON: DELETED CHAPTER
"Someday, you will look back and know exactly why it had to happen," Hmm, the mysterious opener definitely has an effect, but I think it's a bit cheesy as vague ...
May 20, 2011 -
Re: Prism Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1
One thing about this film, is that it is much more adult. This is kind of weak wording. Up until this point it's pretty active, and then you get to ...
Nov 23, 2010 -
Re: A Starry Night
So here's a little biographical poem of Van Gogh. It's kind of raw, and my first attempt at free verse, but let me know what you think. Also, let me ...
May 1, 2010 -
Re: Daflintonian (Edited, yay!)
My eyes fluttered open as I felt random aches in my back, and I stretched my body out. Alright, so right here in the first bit, you've got a bit ...
May 1, 2010 -
Re: Run with Blood Chapter 1: Wet
My head was throbbing from listening to Mr. Drexel’s speech this morning about how Thailand was recently hit by an earthquake, I would rephrase this as: "My head was throbbing ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Tubes & Wires
Wow. Really provocative. I love your plot line, though you have a lot of grammatical errors. Our life was hard, our dad left when I was two, Filomena was ten. ...
Jun 1, 2009 -
Re: Celebrity Crushes? *giggle giggle*
XD. Neil Gaiman
May 31, 2009 -
Re: Ban The User Above You! [4]
Banned for smiling :evil:
May 28, 2009 -
Re: God drives a 68 Cutlass Supreme
Wow, this is great! I love your imagery and your metaphors. However one semantical thing I'd like it criticize is your use of the semicolon. They're great, but in a ...
May 23, 2009 -
Re: hope
Hiya! It's great considering that English isn't your first language. One thing I would STRONGLY recommend if you want to survive around here is to capitalize the beginnings of sentences ...
May 21, 2009 -
Re: Life
Francis Charles Goodeston, foolish name I know, Needs a comma right before "I know" Other than that, grammatically sound. The only suggestion I would make is to put more of ...
May 3, 2009 - Re: Chat Grand Opening! Apr 15, 2009
-
Re: A monotonous Grievance
i KNOW IN MY HEART that EVERYTHING IS AS IS because there are reasons Should be: I KNOW IN MY HEART that EVERYTHING IS AS IS because there are reasons ...
Apr 14, 2009